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A Divorce in the Blogosphere

Dear Internet,

I’m divorcing RLO.  You know when parents divorce and tell the kids it’s not their fault?  Well Internet, you’re the children and this divorce is your fault.

After reading all the comments accusing me of being obsessed with RLO I’m suddenly worried I may secretly be in love with him and have no idea. So I’m going to take the easy way out and replace him. If Paris Hilton can find a new BFF so can I.  Not that I’m comparing myself to Paris.  I’ve seen her “porn” and if I had an Internet sex tape I’d have the decency to fake enjoyment.  Don’t viewers deserve that much?

As usual, I digress.

I gave him notice and he was obviously very distraught over the news.  He even tried to worm his way back into my life by telling me he’s already purchased my birthday present.  OF COURSE I WANT IT!  I even tried to guess what it was:

Is it pink?
Is it a sex toy
Is it frozen sperm?
Is it a Book of Mormon?
Is it chocolate cake?
Is it an eye-less horse?
Is it a singing telegram from Kurt Bestor?
Is it vagina greeting cards from Etsy?

I asked him to mail the present because I’m dying to know what he got me.  Aren’t you?  Well too damn bad.

Ha. I win.

Love,
Sarah

Comments

  • He CAN’T mail it! It’s a pony.

  • Thanks for the coffee break read. Does someone create vagina greeting cards on Etsy?

  • I gotta tell ya sarah – 8 of the last 14 posts had something to do with RLO.
    Do him already.
    Jesus will thank you… I think.

  • I think RLO is just going out with this other chick to make you jealous.. he really wants you.. just to much of scaredity cat to tell you :D

    maybe jesus will send him a sign.:D
    scrabble style

  • I want to know what’s stopping the two of you from getting together. Is it him, or you?

    I’m blatantly ignoring your break up.

  • Tell RLO he should send me the bday present, and it will arrive in the box along with mine. That way, he doesn’t have to give it to you, and then I’ll look twice as awesome. Then we both win (me and you. screw RLO).

  • Honey, there’s nothing wrong with liking him. He sounds like a great guy. I’d explore those feelings before ending a happy friendship.

  • I have had an Rlo for about 14 years. It is great. Having to endure everyone else opinion of our relationship is frustrating. I couldn’t imagine having the whole internet chime in on our relationship like they chime in on yours with Rlo.

  • Who shall the children live with?

  • Well, I must admit that I don’t recall a recent post that didn’t have RLO in the first paragraph. And since you’re doing the thing where I have to click on the link to read the whole post, sometimes I just skip it when I see RLO front and center like that. Because how much more is there to say until you guys just do it and get it over with already?

  • Good Lord Woman! Just make out with him and get it over with..

  • I want to live with Mom.

  • OMG Sarah! If you but out all the things you’re obsessed with, what in god’s name are we supposed to read here? It’s what you DO! You obsess! Please bring RLO back. And if you could post a video of him dry-humping, it would be a total bonus!

  • Don’t divorce RLO! He’s always good for blog fodder!! ;)

  • NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! There has to be some kind of counseling for couples who love each other but sex and Jesus stand in the way. You need to stay together for the kids. We love reading about it.

  • Hmm, I think we’ll have to talk about this over wine when I get to UT!

  • Hooray! Another possible angle is that RLO gets tired of the continued humilation and decides that he wants a friendship/relationship that’s mutually fulfilling rather than emasculating to him.

    I’m sure there will be another stooge in the life of the Princess soon. Everybody will laugh at how selfishly Princess treats him and then respond in faux-shock when he moves to greener pastures.

  • i’m kinda wondering if his new girlfriend knows about this blog and how she feels about Sara’s obsession with RLO?

  • I’ve been away for over a month and have been playing catch up with your blog and, um, yeah, the “RLO” posts are more noticable when you are reading 30 blogs in an hour. No one likes to see divorce, but clearly there’s been an alienation of affection on his part.

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