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A Shit-Filled Memo

Daisy apparently didn’t get the memo that I went back to school and am working part-time. She thinks expensive medicals tests are a hobby. They so, so aren’t.

The vet clinic didn’t get the memo that a vodka tonic is the epitome of a refreshing drink. As for me? Well I didn’t get the memo that when the receptionist asks you if you would like a refreshing drink she means a warm Sprite, not a bottle of vodka and straw. Another refreshing drink is champagne, which should always be served immediately after informing a worried dog owner that her beloved pug is cancer-free. Daisy does, however, have a a sludge-filled gallbladder, major food allergies and irritable bowel syndrome.

The vet called her a little shit for giving us such a scare. I called the vet a big shit when he told me to keep an ass journal for Daisy. Apparently he’d like to read about the consistency of Daisy’s feces while enjoying a nightcap with his wife. I’d much rather get him a subscription to an interesting magazine, but whatever floats his boat, and keeps my dog alive.

While I’m thrilled there’s nothing serious wrong with her, I’m realistic enough to know we’re in for the long haul here. Daisy’s disgusting farts aren’t going anywhere. And neither is my love for her, although my savings account is. My fart filled apartment has never felt more like home. I’m happy to have the little shit back, but if anyone has any information on the market for one-eyed pug porn let me know. Daisy needs a job. And preferebly one with health benefits.


  • Is that the new writing gig you mentioned earlier ;) Glad your pug is gonna be fine.

  • I can’t believe you are going to whore out your kid!

    So glad that they know what is wrong. I am sure you will be able to sleep better now!

  • Glad she doesn’t have cancer, but food allergies and irritable bowel, that probably means strict diet.

    You should have one of these cool memo recorders that lets you voice-record a description of every piece of shit that Daisy produces, so that you can work them out later on a computer.

  • Oh I’m glad she’s ok! I heard the pug porno industry is pretty big right now.

  • Wondering if your vet might have some info. on the dog porn industry? Seems likely.

  • I had a friend that was going to do a dog pornography site a while back.. We never got around to it though. I bet Daisy would have been a top earner. I still should have bought porndography.com when we had the idea.

  • Glad to hear Daisy is okay. As for the farts I have a healthy dog who never stops farting. It does provide constant entertainment for my 5 year old son so that’s something.

  • Doody calls. Get it? Doody. Ha. (Glad she’s alright.)

  • I’m so glad to hear that Daisy is okay (if stinky).

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsVgi8hoFFc

    It applies just as much in veterinary medicine as it does in human medicine. ;) Gotta love Scrubs.

    I’m sure the vet recommended this, but a more bland diet can help IBS and food allergies. Depending on what she’s allergic to, something like Hill’s I/D usually helps a lot. Um, I don’t work for Hill’s, I swear. It is pretty expensive, though..

  • YAY for no cancer. My little dog has sort of a Crone’s disease for dogs. She gets all bloated and then gets the, a hem, runs. Ok, there, I said it. It’s releaving to know she’s ok, but worrisome for the future. Good luck with her!

  • Way to go Daisy!!! You have to keep a turd log… That’s funny!!! Oh yea, that thing you said about the vet reading it at night… that’s funny too.

  • Yeahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! Daisy’s Ok!Well ok farting is not ok but it’s bearable.

  • Man, this happens to me so many times and I never learn. I have to stop eating while I read your website. You just ruined a perfectly good smoothie!!! Dick!! Haha. Glad your pug is ok! :-)

  • Well yay on the caner…boo on the stink, but I think that comes with the pug territory, IBS or not:)

  • I’m no expert, but it seems like the dog porn industry is more likely to cause vet expenditures than to ease them. You’re better off posting at-home videos of Daisy with her wet pussy on your blog and putting more ads in your sidebar.

    Just saying.

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