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Affirming That I am an Asshole

I downloaded an iPhone app that provides affirmations as needed. I thought this would be a great way to learn to be more appreciative of what I have, and hopefully learn how to be a little more positive.

That’s not what happened.

My sarcasm and pessimism kicked in. I argued with ever single affirmation, which, as you can imagine, has the exact opposite effect… not to mention I look like a crazy person fighting in public with my phone.

I'd rather the universe pour me a glass of wine.

I'd rather the universe pour me a glass of wine.

Stupid phone obviously can't see my muffin top.

Stupid phone obviously can't see my muffin top.

Highest vibration means vibrators right? Because every second would pretty much break my vagina.

Highest vibration means vibrators right? Because every second would pretty much break my vagina.

The 7-11 is open. Me? Not so much.

The 7-11 is open. Me? Not so much.

I'd be a lot MORE beautiful if this damn zit would go away.

I'd be a lot MORE beautiful if this damn zit would go away.

Let go of anger? Pfff. What would I blog about?

Let go of anger? Pfff. What would I blog about?

I'd be happier if my pug jammies were clean.

I'd be happier if my pug jammies were clean.

Energy? Oh hell no. I'm ready for bed right now.

Energy? Oh hell no. I'm ready for bed right now.

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