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Barbie Knows Best

Its no secret math is the bane of my existence.  It’s safe to say 80% of my Twitter comments are math related complaints.  The other 20% are about dog farts.

As far as I’m concerned the only good thing to ever come out of math is the “Math Class is Tough!” Teen Talk Barbie from 1992 that was highly controversial, and in my book highly awesome.  I’m still mad at myself for not buying one.

My hate of math is not just limited to school; I am an equal opportunity hater and therefore detest all numbers, not just complex equations. So it was no surprise while at Daisy’s vet appointment on Sunday I found out she is actually a year younger than I thought.  See, even simple math escapes me.

Not believing the vet technician she showed me the chart and explained that Daisy’s birth date of 1997 subtracted from 2008 was indeed 11, not 12. I left in complete embarrassment, but of course immediately called and made a doctor appointment for myself this week in hopes of the same.

Thus far, 33 years old is completely overrated, and I’m ready to go back to 32 again.


  • You shut your filthy mouth. Math rules.

  • That’s funny, because….
    just the other day I FINALLY
    did the math and realized my
    cat is 3, not 4. ha ha ha ha ha!

  • Math is fun. It’s like a little puzzle. But when I was struggling with calculus years ago, I found the Cliff’s Notes on the subject to be rather helpful.

  • Hahaha! Let me know if you have any luck with the doctor….and then share the doctor’s name! LOL

  • Lol! Math sucks. Barbie is still on Ebay though! And they are only $20!

  • Ah my dear Barbie, tis Mathematics that worries you so? Why had you not revealed this sooner?

    I, Janglestein, would be more than honored to tutor a delicate flower such as thyself in the ways of this, the bane of thy existence. Multivariable Calculus, Linear Algebra, Discrete Mathematics, Number Theory…I am quite skilled in these (and other ;-) ;-) ) things. So give thy complex equations to me in a large bucket, along with thy heart, and I will complete both.

  • For payment, I ask only for Small Change from you, my Blue Valentine. For though it may be raining cats and dogs outside, and I find myself with a Big Time need for Blood Money, those Rain Dogs frighten me not. For my gift is naught but One From The Heart, and my heart is open still, exposing my Bone Machine for all to see. But alas darling, soon it shall be Closing Time :-(

  • Don’t let anyone tell you different. Math the the WORK OF THE DEVIL. It is evil beyond reproach. It is the Eye of Sauron. It is evil incarnate. We of the creative ilk have no use for such nonsense. Math is best left to nerds who have nothing else to do. The rest of us will be over here being useful.

  • Bright side: You knew 80% and 20% = 100%. Way to go!

  • My friends, sovknight is correct. For what is responsible for the keyboards upon which we type, the computers we are reading, or the internets we speak through? Liberal arts my friends, liberal arts! And so let us rejoice :-)

  • In my humble opinion, math is unnecessary. Why did God give us calculators if math was so damn important?

    Side note – when it comes to your own age, whatever calculations you use are appropriate. For instance, using a decent moisturizer whittles 8 years off your age right there. Drinking too much caffeine adds 4, etc. etc. According to my math, I am nearing my 15th birthday. Congratulations are in order.

  • Yes Math is only used to figure out what that top will cost if it’s %30 off…..

    I’m not sure it has any other use.

  • Snarky_Mathematerian

    @sovknight et al. “Math is best left to nerds who have nothing else to do. The rest of us will be over here being useful.”

    Excellent, another group of rubes to whom I can sell disastrous subprime mortgages that they can ill afford; package those mortgages in discrete, AAA bond-quality collateralized debt obligations (by which I mean bus-station toilet paper quality) and sell them to pensioners, governments, and Icelandic banks; reap millions without risk; sucker your rube-like politicians into paying for my bailout with your money; use said money to pay for huge parties and lines of blow served up on the backs of hookers; and then retire to my private island. All because you couldn’t calculate that your mortgage payment increases when your interest rate increases.

    I’ll continue being nerdly and counting my money over here if you need me. Your salty tears of umbrage provides just the right dash of seasoning. Muaahahha!

  • Snarky_Mathematerian, to be fair, I love love love math, and I am terrible with economics.

    And keeping with fairness, Sarah, I laughed a little when I read about your experience at the vet, not because of your miscalculation, but because at the animal hospital I work at I am the ONLY one who can do math to save my life. Everyone always comes to me with the charts before they draw up the vaccines, since some of them are one year vaccines and some are three year, and the other techs have just as much trouble with it as you did with Daisy’s age! And converting between pounds and kilograms? Forget it. We have calculators on every counter in the hospital.

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