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Being Scared Makes me Hungry

A friend of mine shared her biggest fear with me the other night. She’s not terrified of mice like I am, or even crow’s feet like the rest of women. Nope. She’s afraid of getting stuck somewhere and not having anyone around to help her.

I live alone with a pug. Daisy has one freaking eye so it’s not like she’s Lassie. If I got stuck and couldn’t reach my phone I’d be a goner. And just like that getting stuck is now one of my fears.

I voiced this fear to another friend who reminded me I have a zillion brothers that would find and save me. Hardly. Those boys are lazy asses. They’d take my silence as their own personal vacation. After thinking about the problem for a few minutes I realized I wouldn’t ever get stuck in my apartment and die. I could easily use the gay husband signal as a beacon to alert RLO that I needed to be saved. Super RLO looks hot in tights, plus he’s a biker so super comfy in spandex.

I’m going to practice the method by getting stuck on my way to the pub. It’s really the best way to get some quality BFF time in. Plus I’m really hungry for a good pub dinner.


  • Hi Sarah, you need to see that season one episode of 30 rock where Liz Lemon is afraid of choking to death in her own apartment!

  • I’m afraid of breakthrough bleeding during sex, millipedes, and choking while I’m driving down the freeway.

  • My scariest moment in Michigan was when I got jumped on by a rottweiler next to a busy street. I tried to flag down multiple passing vehicles driven by big guys, and NO ONE stopped to help.

    That’s when I knew what a terrible place I was in.

    Strangers have helped me out of some pretty dangerous scrapes. But when you’re surrounded by self-absorbed assholes, you may as well be stuck somewhere alone.

  • That is a great plan! If super RLO doesn’t come through, I will save you. Or at least feed you hot dogs and wine while you’re stuck and we wait for super RLO to put his tights on…

  • All that sticks out at this moment is delicious pub dinner. Can we please have one of those soon?

  • Ah, the fear of helplessness. This is real for those who are self-dependent. Don’t you think it’s the perfect opportunity to need others, instead?

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