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Bon Jovi is probably my soulmate, but apparently I'm the only one around here that cares.

My friend Scott and I have been friends for 10 years, so it pains me to write this next part.

Scott is a total asshole.

I’m soooo mad at him right now.  Not “I’m going to flip you off” mad, but rather “I’m going to jack your shit up in a knife fight” mad.

Yeah, this is serious business.

I told Scott that I was confident if I were to meet Bon Jovi, he’d totally fall for me. Bon Jovi seems like the kind of guy who would appreciate a smart, funny and somewhat neurotic woman. Not at all like that Bret Michaels who only goes for STD-ridden hookers with bad grammar.

“Sarah you’re kidding me with this Bon Jovi shit, right? He’s been married to the same woman for 20 years.”


Friends are supposed to be supportive. He should have said agreed and then helped formulate a plan for us to meet.

So I’m like, “I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW. I’m younger and that means things are tighter. If nothing else Bon Jovi would want to be my new BFF. You’re out Scott. He’s in.”

“Fine, Sarah, I will try and friend him on FaceBook. I’ll keep you posted.”

FaceBook? That’s the best he can do? That’s lousy. If the situation were reversed I’d be starting trends on Twitter, sending Bon Jovi kittens with Scott’s name shaved into their fur and generally stalking the shit out of him.

I’d make an impression.

NOT friend him on FaceBook.

Friends are bullshit, man. OBVIOUSLY.


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