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Broken Scooter, Broken Heart

My friend Matt is ruining my life. Seriously. I probably see that little man bitch three times a year. I have no idea what he’s doing with his life, yet he knows all about my life since he reads my blog. He’s so familiar with my blog he pointed out which friends I’d forgotten to include in my character section.

To shut Matt up here’s his bio:

I’ve known Matt since 1997. The first time we met he introduced himself and my response was something like, “Why the fuck do I care?” He’s hated me ever since. And by hate I mean he secretly likes me, but insists on giving me shit every time he sees me to retain street credit. His hobbies include biking, wearing chain wallets, and reminding me of every crappy guy I’ve ever dated.

I made the mistake of letting Matt taking our friend Awna for a ride on my scooter last night. He purposely broke it because my night ended like this:

Driving home my scooter just stopped. I called my brother, Ben, and RLO to rescue me. Realizing it was too late, and too dark to fix it properly they loaded up my baby and drove her away.

Obviously I’m blaming this all on Matt. I think it’s the right thing to do, don’t you?


  • Yup, Matt’s fault.

  • Damn him!


    Actually I don’t.

    Mine’s violet.

    Good luck with getting it fixed. Please tell me your helmet matches.

  • It takes real balls to break a girl’s scooter.

    Something about that sentence sounds dirty…

  • OH HORRORS! This is just disasterous!

    I say we publicly flog Matt!

    Commenter Laura, have to tell you this. My 5 year old son has a hard time with “sc” words. The daughter of a friend of mine let him have a little push scooter she’d outgrown. All the way home he kept saying, “I can’t believe AC gave me her cooter!!!” When I quit laughing I had him say “sss sccc scccooooter”. The next day I observed him in the bathroom mirror watching his mouth as he said “Sc Sc Scoo Scooter”. So all was not lost. I hope it’s a long time before he gets the real cooter! :oP

  • Matthias J. Chainwallet, you are hereby banned from both http://www.sarahnielson.com, and http://quothtrollpop.blogspot.com, for cruelly destroying the light-red wheel-rolling machine of our fair alcoholic friend and love interest, Sarah N. Bellum. Not only is her strange machine unable to move to and fro — it has been swallowed up by a larger, fiercer, white vehicle, never to be seen again!

    I am sorry for the loss, but fear not. Your scootch may simply be unable to scream due to the scum and scrap congesting its tubes.

    One might wonder how Julie’s 5-year-old-son would read the above sentence. Curiously, I don’t wonder in the slightest.

  • Thank god it’s someone else’s fault!!!

    (Can we blame him for losing my car, too? Please??) 😉

    Ok, I thought the whole cowboy boot thing was insane but now that I SEE them…DAMN. I want a pair.

    Do they come in extra-large boat size???

  • Boys should be forced to live in their own world and not ever touch (read: break) girls’ stuff. Scooters, hearts, dishes, whatever.

  • hmmmmmmm In reference to the “Down Home Dance” photos…
    I love Ben’s facial hair. I could be in love with Ben. Tall, dark, has some meat on his bones…now if he just would have an interst in a sassy woman just a smidge older than him.

    One Wonders…..

  • I must defend myself. That scooter is a death trap and i did you a favor. Do the words Purple Camera mean anything to you??

  • Do you know why Matt broke the scooter?

    So you’d blog about him.

    Some people are just


    I was saying…

    Some people are just THAT vain!

  • Oh no, not the pink scooter?

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