I detest grocery shopping.
I hate thinking about the calories sitting in my cart. I hate trying to find food I can actually eat. And I especially hate handing over my bank card.
It’s all bullshit.
Last night when faced with starvation I ignored the hatred and headed to Harmons.
While trying to find the perfect apple I heard someone behind me.
“Ma’am I think you dropped your shopping list.”
I ignored the shit out of him.
“Excuse me… ma’am you dropped something.”
I wasn’t about to let someone get away with calling me ma’am, so I continued to ignore the shit out of him.
“MA’AM DID YOU HEAR ME? I think you dropped your shopping list.”
“Of course I heard you. I’m just ignoring you.”
“I said I was ignoring you. I don’t respond when people call me names.”
“I’m sorry ma’am, you must have heard me wrong. I didn’t call you a name.”
“THERE YOU GO AGAIN. Stop calling me that!”
I placed the apples in my cart and in a dramatic huff turned and walked away. Just as I was about to leave the produce section I hear a booming voice.
“MISS, I THINK YOU FORGOT YOUR KEGEL EXERCISE INSTRUCTIONS.”
Fuck. My. Life.
was written on the back of this:
I thought I was all ‘Miss Green Party Hero’ for recycling the homework from my gynecologist. Instead, I was ‘Asshole of the Day’ for being a dick to someone trying to help.
I’d like to say I learned my lesson, but that would be a lie. And I don’t have time to worry what the karmic reaction is for lying. I’m going to be very busy trying to figure out how to punch karma in the balls.