Sometimes I think the Internet loves RLO more than they love me. The majority of my email lately has been questions about him. He’s stealing my thunder. Bastard.
In typical jealous girl fashion I present you with a list of RLO facts that may cause you all to love him a little less, and me a whole lot more.
1) RLO is moody. Not moody all the time like I am, but if he doesn’t get his sleep he’s a pissy little bitch.
2) RLO plays the piano. Sure, one may believe that’s a good trait, but the only songs I’ve ever heard him play are Billy Joel. Also, his piano is in his bedroom, which makes me wonder who exactly he is wooing into his bed.
3) RLO hates Daisy. I have no idea how anyone could hate that sweet, little innocent pug. Sure she farts up a storm and barks at him, but she’s only barking because he hates her. Yesterday when we were outside with her, he told her there were treats in the road. Who tries to lure a dog onto a very busy street? A horrible person, that’s who.
Obviously RLO is an evil man. I’m doing everyone a favor by befriending him–keeping him busy keeps him from ruining the world. That almost makes me a super hero, right? Saving the world is very important business. If I’m not acquiring super hero status, I at least deserve some sort of prize, or medal for my heroic actions. Something sparkly and pink will do.