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Familes are Forever

I hate the term ex-wife.  I always have.  When my favorite sister-in-law, Holli, and my brother recently divorced I wasn’t sure how to refer to her on this blog.  In the “character” section she’s referred as the mother of my niece and nephew.  As the only girl in my family, Holli has been the only sister I have ever known, and I’m not quite ready to give that up.

The divorce has been an adjustment not just for my brother, but also for the entire family.

We don’t email or text one another as much as we used to, so last night when I got a text message asking if I wanted to meet her and the kids at Starbucks I jumped at the chance.  I see the kids as much as I always have, but not her.  I miss our girl time.

When I arrived I noticed Holli was wearing a pair of shoes I had given her.  At that moment everything that has transpired between she and my brother was instantly gone.  They can deal with their shit, and leave Holli and I to discuss more important things like shoes and how damn cute the kids are.

And they so, so are.  Last night, my darling niece, Hannah, confessed she only ordered the strawberry frappuccino because it’s pink. I smiled and realized that even though Holli and I won’t be sharing the same last name forever, we will always have Hannah and Carter in common.

Comments

  • You are SO right about divorce – and that it affects everyone in the family.

    I am glad for you that you were able to connect with Holli again.

  • i am just starting the divorce process. to be honest i haven’t even decided if i am changing my last name. i think it is great that you are going to keep that “pre-divorce” relationship with your SIL even though it has changed.

  • My mom always said that she divorced my father, not his family.

  • This made me tear up. I’m sure I would feel the same way if my brother and sister in law ever got divorced. First I would kill him for being such an idiot and then I would go to coffee with her.

  • Luckily for me, I grew up in a family where there was no such thing as ex anything. Once you are in, you are in for life. At family celebrations, not only are the current wives their, but so are all the exes. And they are all friends. Some exes have even gotten remarried to other people in my grandparent’s hosue! Thus, divorce was never as hurtful as it could have been.

    This is all I have ever known, so when I see other people deal with divorces by cutting people out of the family, I am usually shocked. I never realized there was any other way to do it.

    Good job on showing your niece and nephew that divorce, whilst devastating, doesn’t have to be the end of everything.

  • You are absolutely right. I lost my only other female kinda-sister in my family as well, and it sucks. I am so glad you are still close!

  • Yeah no need to break up a good friendship because they are getting divorced.

    Side Note: I just finally noticed the pictures of your pug on the left there, and although losing the eye was probably hard on both of you, at least you can say you have a sexy dog. Look at it, it’s always winking at you. ;-)

  • God, divorce can be hard. I still miss one of the SIL’s from my first husband’s family.

    There ARE ex’s that I have been VERY glad to see the back of, but the kids? Never.

    Besides, if everyone just realized that shoes are really what matters the world would be a much more fabulous place.

  • I will always have Hannah and Carter as well, and it is that which keeps me decking the halls with Holli’s near and far. :-)

  • I ran into this same problem when I got divorced. Luckily, my ex’s family realizes that when you have kids, pretty much there isn’t any such thing as divorce. Now, I see my ex-in-law’s just as much as I used to (whether I want to or not). And luckily, I still see my favorite SIL (only we never add the EX at the beginning of that) all the time. Old habits die hard and we still just refer to each other as SIL’s.

  • I wish it had been this way when my ex and I divorced. His family totally cut me out. And the kids… heck, they didn’t care much about them either. But yet they roll in the glory when one of mine does something… like the youngest in Afghanistan. You’d think they had raised him. pffft. And we won’t go into the new wife….she’s a real winner. Even wrote me hate mail. Oh, and ya…. they are all practicing mormons. Not sure what they are practicing…. but they call themselves mormons. I just call them ex’s.

  • That is so lovely. Sometimes it is the most complicated relationships that are the best.

  • Between my two parents, I’ve survived… er… 5? 6? divorces now.

    Thank God we keep our family. It makes for a long Christmas list and an interesting Thanksgiving Dinner – but it’s worth it.

  • My father just got hitched for the fourth time. Not sure how long the new bride will last, but my youngest brother was a product of the previous one. I still refer to HIS mother as my stepmom anyway. Just because a marriage ends, doesn’t mean family ties do.

  • Okay, totally don’t have your email…..anyway, yep, had Beckwith, but don’t remember Catcher in the Rye–though there’s a good chance I was supposed to read it and didn’t (I’m a master at bs in class when I haven’t read an assignment)
    . Agree w/ you ab. Harry Potter and Lord, but did love DaVincci Code ( I have some yuppy tendencies). Have you read Gone With the Wind? Beautiful!

  • It may not be divorce, but my brother had so many girlfriends that I really miss. Why did he have to be such a jackass sometimes? Can’t we still be friends?

  • I am going through it personally right now and I hate the term exwife. Let make a new term.

  • Early in their marriages, I told all my brothers that if they ever divorced, I was taking the side of their wives. Family can still be family, even after a divorce.

  • That’s great- amicable is always good! My dad and step-mom divorced about 5 years ago, but there were 12 grandkids and I have 3 (step)sisters that were like real sisters to me. Luckily, dad and stepmom stayed cordial (actually date still, claim they just can’t live together- kind of fucked up, I know)… the only hard thing is labeling them now- this is my ex-stepmom dad’s girlfriend.

    I gave you a gay little award at my site because I think you’re cool and would be fun to have a drink with (that was my criteria)- just thought I’d let you know-

  • That’s awesome. Divorce sucks. OUr best friends split this year, and it’s a drag.

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