Waiting to die is sort of anticlimactic, don’t you think? I mean you wait for that big moment where you walk towards the light, but then bam you’re dead and it’s over.
I’m waiting to die right this very second. It’s nothing serious like cancer, or swine flu. I cooked dinner. Like from a recipe, not a box. There was nothing pre-packaged about this meal, which is why I’m waiting to die.
I’m certain I gave myself food poisoning. Sure, a little case of food poisoning doesn’t kill the normal person. But I’m not normal. I’m an overachiever. Not for the important things in life like education, career, hobbies or a relationship. I’m an overachiever at shit that doesn’t matter. Dental floss for example.. I’m a crazy overachiever when it comes to Gingivitis. And you know what they say: where there’s a will, there’s a way.
See what I did there? I made a little death pun. You know, because death is anticlimactic AND funny. Right? Ahh, fuck it. You’re going to feel bad you didn’t laugh when I’m dead. Jerks.