I love hearing from readers, not as much as I love wine, but a VERY close second!


Happy Birthday Bennyboy!

Dear Ben,

Happy Birthday!  I know I don’t tell you this enough but I love you Ben.  You’ve always been an extraordinary brother to me.  I don’t deserve you, but I’m sure as hell happy I got you anyway.

You have so many great qualities, but luckily for me one of your best traits is forgiveness.  I don’t think most people know that about you.  I do, however, because despite the below list you still love me.

I’m sorry I made you wear a pink shirt when you got home from your mission.
I’m sorry for constantly trying to get you killed when you were a child.
I’m sorry I made you peanut butter and spicy salsa sandwiches every time I was forced to babysit you.
I’m sorry for swearing in your mission farewell talk.
I’m sorry I told everyone we know you always cry in the movie “The Land Before Time.”
I’m sorry I just told the Internet that you cry in the movie “The Land Before Time.”
I’m sorry I called you Benjaminoballbaby when you were a kid.
I’m sorry I called you Benjaminoball-less when you were a kid.
I’m sorry for calling you Ben-gina when you were a kid…. and last week.
I’m sorry for teaching the twins to call you Uncle Mean.
I’m sorry for teaching the twins, just yesterday, to call you Auntie Uncle Ben.

You’re an incredible person, Ben.  I’m so proud to be able to call you my brother.  You grew up from the cutest little dimple-faced boy into the amazing man you are now.  I love you baby brother.




  • I’m really looking forward to being able to write something like that for my little sister. It’s already weird to see her growing up into a 12-year old with actual thoughts and opinions of her own– who knew she was an actual person and not just “my sister”?!?!

  • Happy birthday Ben! Thanks for sharing your crazy family life with the world. We love your sissy too!

  • Dear Miss Bellum,

    Hearty salutations and warm laughter on your kin Bengina and his amicable day of birth!

    You have many unsightly characteristics, and I am fortunate to call you Neilstein, despite the above list:

    I’m sorry Cap’n Daisy’s drawing did not come out right the first time I drew it.

    I’m sorry for coming in stalks at the grocery store.

    I’m sorry for dragging dope queens, whom you enjoy watching so.

    I’m sorry for not likening you to a troll doll; I will do it more in days to come :-)

    I’m sorry I just told everyone on the internet that I did not liken you to a troll doll and that I will do it more in days to come :-(

    I’m sorry for making thy ass too numb to take anymore.

    I’m sorry I did not give you my head-protection when you rode my bicycle.

    I’m sorry for making you throw your camera in your purse and run outside at the sight of me.

    I’m sorry for telling you to wear jeans under your dress, when over is far more appealing to the senses.

    I’m sorry we don’t have Hannah and Carter in common.

    I’m sorry I have not yet destroyed the Big Bang Theory with my bare feet. It will be done.

    I’m sorry I will continue to do these things in the future :-

    In ever-growing sorrow,

    Trollpop Janglestin

  • Awwwww … what a great sister!

  • So very funny! I love how you make me giggle out loud. You are so irreverent and I love it! Keep being YOU!

  • That was classic–who wouldn’t love having you for a sister? AND you totally reminded me of all the mean things I used to do to my younger brother when I was forced to watch him when we were kids (wish I’d known about the pb & spicy salsa sandwiches–BRILLIANT!)

  • I’ve been lurking on your site for months, just wanted to say I think you’re hilarious! Also I was sad to realize that although I read numerous blogs,I don’t really know any of the people in real life and when I was asked to do a ” fridge meme” and then tag 7 other bloggers I only had 2 to tag that I actually know. So, I’m being internet stalker-y and tagging you, since I read your stuff and am curious to know what your fridge looks like. Check my blog for details :)

  • Aww. How sweet! Hope he appreciates you, and your words of wisdom.

  • PB and spicy salsa? So evil!

    Auntie Uncle Ben? Hilarious.

  • everyone all together now…



  • Classic Sarah. Nice.

  • Well if Ben is reading this than I hope he has a happy birthday!

  • I read the list out loud to Daniel because when I was about halfway through it he asked what I was laughing at. When I got to the line with “Auntie Uncle Ben” I almost couldn’t read it it was so hilarious.

    Happy Birthday Ben!

  • ‘Auntie Uncle’… that is brilliant! (*stores in mental filing cabinet for future reference*)

  • Ben is so lucky to have a sister like you!! Truly.

  • That was awesome! What a perfect way to say happy birthday to your brother…

  • Happy Birthday Ben – you’re a great guy for putting up with your sister.

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