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Happy Humping!

My blog finally grew up a little bit. Calm down, that doesn’t mean I won’t talk about dog farts, dry humping and using as much profanity as possible. It just means this blog now has a PO box, which you can find on the contact page.

After getting my fair share of hate mail lately I decided if someone is going to take the time to write me a hate filled message the least they could do is buy a fucking stamp and mail it.  I’d really like a handwritten account of just how horrible I am.  It will come in handy each time my mother tires to remind me that she raised a sweet and caring daughter.  I can hand her the book and instantly prove her wrong.

While I was at the post office in line I saw a man that looked vaguely familiar, but couldn’t place him.  And then it hit me: if a man looks familiar chances of me making out with him at some point in my life is 100%. Not just any make-out session either, this particular time involved dry humping.  NOT BY MY CHOICE!  I was so disgusted that I had no choice but to block his name from my mind and forget about his very existence.

I walked out to my car without saying hello.  NOT because I’m rude, but because I knew I’d accidentally say “Happy Dry Humping” instead of “Happy Holidays.”  So really I”m pretty thoughtful.  Maybe there’s no need for handwritten hate mail after all!

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