I love hearing from readers, not as much as I love wine, but a VERY close second!



Things that make me happy:

Seeing that Willie Nelson is following me on Twitter is pretty much awesome.  Sure, it’s not really him, but who cares.  Although it does serves a reminder that I didn’t buy the Willie Nelson doll at the concert Ben and I went to.  I still covet that damn doll and regret the decision not to buy it.

Things that make me unhappy:

Seeing my face tossed aside into a gutter pisses me off.  First of all, I hate when people litter, and second I absolutely detest being turned into gutter trash.  People, at least have the decency to let me find my own way to the gutter.  Come on.  Given enough time I’m nearly positive I’ll end up a gutter girl.  Have faith.


  • I never knew there was a Willie Nelson doll.

    Wondering if it comes with a brush and comb.

    Even better, maybe he’ll date Barbie.

    Oh the possibilities!

  • Oh honey, you’re not trash. 😀

  • I want Willie Nelson to follow me! LOL! That is too funny!

  • I know this feeling. And I feel it regularly.

  • Girl you are not trash and neither is your writing. Here is my reason for that paper being left on the ground:
    handsome dude was reading your article, loving it. When out of no where a helpless old woman cries for help. He drops the paper and runs to her aid, saving the day.

    So really, you were part of a heroic act.

  • About that doll: I bought one at the Willie concert in Wendover last year. It’s currently sitting atop a rocking chair in a 3 year old boy’s bedroom.

  • To preface, I feel I must explain myself. You seemed, in the picture, very dry and thirsty, and I, reading your hilarious rendition of That’s What She Said, attempted to bathe you in the nearest liquid I could find. While bathing you, a man by the name of Willie Nelson (I assume he is a distant relative of Sarah Nielson) came up to me, luring me away with dolls and chocolate cake with sides of raspberry. Before I had a moment to realize what had happened, he had stolen my wallet, violated my behind, and left me for dead. I tried, in vain, to find your advertisement, but alas, the street-river had swept you thoroughly downstream. With this tale in mind, I must both apologize for the location of your duplicate paper self, and warn you against allowing yourself to be followed this Nelson character. His heart, much like the sun, is filled with ice and gives no warmth. At all 🙁

    Secondly: If the gutter is your ultimate destination, I would not only allow you to find your own way, but speedily build gutters across the nation so wide that Sarahs and Daisys and RLOs and Non-Troll-Dolls and pink scoochers and Hannah and Carter and glitter and hot cops could all fit inside and joyfully bathe in the moonlight 😀

    Fourth: I must warn you. Does your current Non-Troll-Doll realize that you “covet” another doll? Beware the consequences of lust unbridled!

    Third and finally: I grade this post B+ for containing multiple pictures, funny sounding names such as “Willy” and “Twitter”, and optimistic words like “positive” and “faith”

  • Ahhh, the gutters of SLC, such whimsy, such cleanliness, such life. Ok just kidding, very funny Sarah!

    I love when I read your blog, the ads are currently for chocolate cake and wine! Except the one for Jesus2020 – that’s a strange one.

  • It’s totally obvious you are not “Gutter Girl”.

    Everyone knows you’re “Dirty Urinal Whore”.

  • If you become friends with Willie, can I hang out with the two of you? I understand he has top shelf herbs and throws a hell of a party.

  • WILLIE NELSON! I am pretty sure that means you have arrived! And as for the gutter, all the really famous people end up in, on or near a gutter…Lindsey, Britney, Paris, Andy Dick…

  • OK, so am I the ONLY one who, if she found herself being followed by a grungy, slightly crazy-eyed hairy dude wearing a bandanna, would go apeshit crazy on him? Or at least flee? Because if I didn’t recognize Willie, he’s getting “the shiv.”

    Of course, Twitter following is different, but the virtual shiv is just as sharp, I assure you.

    Oh, and a Willie Nelson doll is, of course, meant to conceal your weed stash. “What a cute beard! Oh…it broke off. What does “Panama Red” mean?”

  • Did you like Grace is Gone? I want to Netflix that.

  • I loved Grace is Gone. One of the best movies I have seen this year.

  • Think of it this way: your column face up on the sidewalk = free advertising.

  • What’d you think of Grace is Gone?

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