I love hearing from readers, not as much as I love wine, but a VERY close second!


House Fire

Dear Internet,

I’m likely going to die in a fire this weekend.  I only tell you this because you’ll miss me.  I know you will.  You, my mother both, and possibly Ben.  RLO, however, will not miss me.  I can’t blame him at all.  In fact upon my death RLO may bloom into the lovely person I won’t let him be.

I just took out the batteries of every single fire detector in my apartment.  Not because I have a death wish but because I couldn’t figure out which one was the cause of the low battery chirp.  I’d rather risk death than risk chirping-induced insanity.

Internet I will miss you.



  • LOL! you are so funny. i am the opposite…I leave the batteries in even when I am burning something in the oven and the noise is making the dogs howl. I am a bit paranoid of fire since my uncle died in one. I am sure you will be fine but I would invest in some new batteries.

  • You know, if this was the only post I’ve read of yours, I would be kinda freaking out right now. However, after reading this one, I went back and read some more. I’m still not absolutely positively sure you’re kidding, but I’m trusting Liesl on this one! 🙂 Buy some batteries, Woman!

  • Dear Sarah,

    Thank you for letting me know. I have heartily enjoyed thy presence on me all of these years, and will solemnly miss the jubilatory memories we shared.

    However, Mr. Trollpop Janglestein is a wonderful substitute, and shall carry on thy legacy for decades, nay, years to come! Your crispy fate will be avenged by a life yet crispier still, one full of such a multitude of House Fires, Visible Loves, That’s What She Said In Utah – This Weeks, Loves, A Yuppie in the Makings, and all other such things, that the Liesls and Half-Past Kissin’ Times of the world will water their eyes out with shock and joy.

    He will finish what you have started. Thank you for using me, posting on me, and the times we shared.



  • um…. you could try removing the batteries one at a time. it’s not like your appt is that big and you have that many of ’em.

  • That’s not as bad as having a house with all of them connected so that one goes they ALL go off.

    When I first moved in, I was taking a shower and the hot steam triggered the alarm. I proceeded to run around the house soaking wet trying to find a fire only to realize it was a false alarm. And then I couldn’t get the damn screeching things to shut off. They finally went off on their own but not before scaring the beJeebus out of me and the cats. Eventually had to take the battery out of that one (though all the others still work).

  • Why do they have to make that god-awful sound, anyway? I don’t think we have any in or house for that very reason. Oh, and also because we used to have a roommate who would try to make drunk pizza and leave it in the oven all night….

  • Oops. That was supposed to say “our” house. Oh well. You get the point.

  • Just change them all–that’s what I do. It’s more expensive, but it’s easier than having to figure anything out.

  • If you die, can I have your blog?

  • Ok, this is bizarre… the VERY SAME THING happened to me in the middle of the night! I wonder if there was some sort of electromagnetic wave going through SLC last night making everyone’s smoke detectors chirp. *insert Twilight Zone theme here*

  • May I suggest now going out and buying new batteries for every single alarm? You know, just in case…

  • Am I in your will?

    Just sayin…

    ha ha ha ha ha!

  • yeah…i think i would just replace all the batteries. just to be on the safe side.

    what would we do if you died? do you really want sully to have your blog? (i’m sure sully is great! but it won’t be you!)

    don’t leave us!

  • Sometimes we have to replace the whole unit, because they aren’t all that well built! How will you know?

  • OMG, totally never thought of making pet stuff! Genius, Sarah, as always! Though I must warn you, if I spend the time to make it, no matter how crappy it is, you have to put in on the dog! BTW, Scott will be coming to Utah sometime soon, so you’ll miss his laugh just a little less!

  • I will one up you! My neighbors have had their smoke detector chirping for TWO MONTHS whilst leaving their windows open for the entire neighborhood to enjoy. All. Night. Long.

    Our house is locked down like Alcatraz to combat the noise pollution and our AC bill was $160 last month because of those bastards.

    How do people live that way?!?!



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.