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Husband Needed, Please Apply Within

When my mom called last night I thought either she read her will on the Internet and wanted to call and confirm validity, or she was calling to thank me for her Mothers’ Day gift. While neither were the case, she did laugh over the fact I added my gas receipt to her card. Yes, that’s right, I love my mother $44.12 dollars more than Ben does. Proving once again I am a superior being. As it turns out she wanted to talk about something far more important. My death.

“Thanks for driving down yesterday. I’m upset I forgot to have you, Matt and Ben sign some paperwork.”

“What paperwork? If you’re trying to adopt us out I think you’re too late, we are, after all, adults now.”

“Sweetie, I’ve not gotten rid of you yet, so it’s not likely going to happen, besides I’m counting on you to take care of me when I’m old. I figure you owe me. I want you guys to fill out a living will, so if something were to happen to you I’d know what your wishes were.”

“That’s probably a good idea. Is there somewhere in there I can request male strippers and vodka on my deathbed? But why doesn’t Jeff have to fill anything out? You’re getting rid of him, right?”

“Sarah, please be serious about this.  Jeff has a wife that can legally make his decisions.”

“So let me get this straight, because Matt, Ben and I don’t have spouses you’re punishing us with homework?”

“If you’d rather produce a husband that’s fine too.  I’m emailing you the paperwork tomorrow, so you better hurry and find a man.”


  • It’s never a bad idea to have a will. Whatever happens, the only thing I want is to die for free. None of this $6-8,000 for a funeral and headstone bullcrap. Hells no. I’ll give my body to science if I have to. Guess I’d better make out my will too, then.

  • In order to have a will, I think you have to have something of value.. that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

  • Your mother is awesome.

  • Ah, mothers.

    They’re always trying to figure out new ways of reminding you of your ‘single’ status.

    Mine has resorted to having people in my hometown suggest potential mates.. it’s absolutely HORRID.

  • I’m down with applying for this position. Is there an official application or form or is it more of just send a resume and CV somewhere.


  • It’s a good idea to have one, but it makes me laugh at her circuitous route to remind you that you’re single.
    Maybe the man delivering the papers will be your prince charming? :-)

  • Rachel: Is it a good idea to have the will or the husband?

  • I know a couple of fantastic single men in SLC that I would be willing to loan for a small finder’s fee, and all of them are great cooks.

  • so if something were to happen to you I’d know what your wishes were…

    um…i wish that something didn’t happen to me.

    is that a good enough answer?

  • Can’t argue with that logic!

  • I also know a couple of great guys who are 1)not secretly married 2)have a job (good job) 3)can cook & do laundry

  • Keep in mind that a living will is more about what happens if you’re completely incapacitated … do you want to remain on life support, with the hope for a cure? Or pull the plug?

    Extraordinary measures to save your life? Or “Do Not Resuscitate” …

    This is important stuff; unless you want to end up like Terri Schiavo if something happens.

  • Love the “apply within” line. So appropriate for you.

  • Jeez i hate when mothers get like that.. all serious and stuff.. If i dont think about death it doesnt exist, right?

    I kid.. I kid =o)

    Seriously though.. one of those living wills is yet another thing on my to do list – and i have a boyfriend but i’d still prefer to ‘make my own decisions’

    Good luck with husband hunting sarah =o)

  • Sterk pretty much said everything worth saying. (HEE!)

  • Um, I think it’s cheaper and less of a headache to do the paperwork…I’m just sayin’.


  • As of right now I have nothing of value. But it does state on my living will that I do not want life support if ever it is needed. And I want to be creamated. And my Ashes spread over the ocean. So the sea life can eat it. And then all the people I hated or loved eat that fish or whatever that ate my ashes. And then I can officially say EAT ME!

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