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I Bet Winter is Just Like Having Vaginal Rejuvenation Surgery

My dog is an asshole. I’m not being harsh, she totally is.

Yesterday it snowed like crazy at my house. I’m pretty sure the storm hovered right over my driveway and left the rest of the city alone. The weather just loves that I’m single and stuck shoveling snow all alone. Now that I think about it, the weather is also an asshole.

I tried to make Daisy the Pug come outside while I shoveled so she could get some fresh air, but she refused. Instead she sat inside and sipped some brandy while smoking a cigar, or whatever the hell it is old people do all damn day.

She looked out the dog door every twenty minutes to mock me.

Pug Dog Door

Which, to be honest, I deserved the mocking. I was too lazy to get dressed yesterday and shoveled snow in pajama pants without underwear. One thin layer of cotton is not enough to protect my lady bits from the cold, harsh winter elements.

I learned my lesson and will be buying thermals as soon as I dig myself out of this bullshit snow.

Comments

  • You just reminded me of why I NEVER want to move back to winter. I love you, and that’s why you should just move here, because winter sucks major goat ass. Miss you!!!

  • Haha, I was lucky enough to chase my dog down the block in flannel pj’s sans undies or coat or shoes. But I WAS lucky enough to have worn my long volleyball socks and tucks my pants into them. If only I got a picture, it may have been next years Christmas card, or a Valentine’s Day reminder card for all boys who have decided not to date me.

  • Yeah, that’s why I own cats.

  • Probably won’t make you feel any better, but my bitch cat won’t come outside with me when I am shoveling either. Ha! She is a wussy pussy!

  • My dog does the same…even in the rain. The lady-bits need protecting…they can’t hide inside like those ugly boy-bits can;)

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