If Jesus were on Twitter I'd be forced to unfollow him. Don't feel sorry for Jesus. He totally deserves it.
Sometimes, when I’m bored, I like to imagine having a conversation with Jesus via Twitter. I don’t know why exactly. It’s just one of those weird things I do.
Dear Jesus, will you please force someone to invent batteries that never die.. specifically battery size AA.
Dear Jesus, vibrators aren’t the only things that require AA. TV remotes need them, too. You know, to watch Christian TV and shit.
Dear Jesus, Sorry I said shit in that last tweet. Sometimes shit just slips out, you know.
Dear Jesus, I totally didn’t intend “shit just slips out” to be a pun. It just happened.. sorry.
Dear Jesus, I apologize for swearing in the last three tweets. Please don’t take it out on my batteries. I need those bastards.
Dear Jesus, is bastard a swear word?
Are you there Jesus? It’s me Sarah. The shit-talker. Why aren’t you @replying me?
Dear Jesus, stop ignoring me, please.
Dear Jesus, I’m starting to get seriously pissed off here. I said ‘please’ and everything.
Dear Jesus, UNFOLLOW! No, I’m not kidding. I’m totally unfollowing you until you make nice.
HINTS FOR JESUS: fixing that battery problem would be a great way to make nice, or flowers.