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I'm a Believer

I am considering renewing my faith in Jesus. When Arlo decided to ruin my Friday night plans by getting a date, I did what I do best: I used guilt. When that didn’t work I went home and prayed. I prayed to every type of Jesus I could think of: hot Mormon Jesus, dead Jesus, baby Jesus, cross Jesus, resurrected Jesus, carpenter Jesus and every other Jesus imaginable.

And guess what?!

It worked; Arlo’s date canceled. Either I’m magic, or there is a Jesus after all. I’m going to investigate further by praying for a skinnier ass, new shoes and a boyfriend. I’ll keep you posted.

Comments

  • That one girl, Kiesha

    My roommate’s dog is named Jesus, and I’m a firm believer in him. How can you not love a dog big enough to ride?

  • Oh. My. God. How did you find the “Jesus” drawings? It’s an Onion satire; christ, the guy is from *Niceville, Fla*!

    What I want to know, however, is why isn’t there a Lawyer “Jesus”? God knows that a lawyer needs “Jesus” more than some stupid carpet layer.

  • HAA ha ha, where did you find the Jesus site? I’ve never seen anything as funny. I showed my conservative Mormon sister and she loved it too.

  • Oh My Jesus, let poor Arlo have a date once in a while. Otherwise how will he come to appreciate how perfect you are for him. Send him on one bad date and he’s all yours.

  • It was Truck Driver Jesus that did the trick.

  • kiesha: Pita AND Jesus? Wow, that’s a full house for sure.

    el_viajero: Magic, AKA Jon Deal, AKA Bishop Deal. I love your Jesus in scare quotes. That’s my 18th favorite thing about you.

    adam: See above.

    anon: Great idea, but a date with a girl, or boy?

  • Sterkworks: Oops, forgot your comment. I’m so fired. Yeah, that’s a pretty good Jesus too. As is french horn Jesus.

  • Me. me, me. Prayer works Sarah, and you will get your new shoes, but maybe the reason you are alone is because you never ask for others, or for Jebus’s will.

  • Anon: I’m single and have no children. Who else would it be about besides me? Also, if asking Jesus is what it takes to gain a BF count me out. I’d rather use my wishes on jeans and shoes.

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