Bagel Friday is a holiday for my nerds. They love free bagels at work, and I love seeing them appreciate something outside the Apple product line.
If Apple comes out with a bagel shaped product I’m going to kill myself. Unless, of course, they kill me first for ruining Bagel Friday.
A few months ago, while cutting my bagel, I accidentally sliced my finger. Instead of using the blood as a cream cheese substitute, I dropped the knife and fashioned a tourniquet out of pink Post-it notes and paper towels. I finished just in time to see my Chief Nerd pick up the blood and skin covered knife to slice his bagel.
Inside my head I was screaming at him to stop.
Outside my head… not so much.
I watched as he consumed his bagel and a side of my skin. I wanted to stop him, but couldn’t move. I blame the blood loss.
Later in the day he started complaining about a stomachache.
Holy shit. I poisoned a nerd with awesome. Finally a technical skill to be proud of.
I still wasn’t going to say anything, but I started feeling like an evil cross between Microsoft Windows and every single evil comic book character.
I came clean.
He didn’t talk to me for days.
I didn’t let it bother me. I just assumed he was just super busy morphing into a super sonic Sarah.
I thought the incident had been forgotten, but last week the bagels came pre-sliced. The nerds were ecstatic, which I thought was weird. Typically nerds love using knifes. It’s like a mini-sword fight at the office.
It all made sense when a nerd exclaimed, “This is fantastic. If we could have pre-sliced bagels every Friday, I could keep so much of Sarah’s skin out of my system.”
My nerds are soooo unappreciative.