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In Ambien We Trust

When I got home yesterday I found a box from Nordstrom sitting on my porch.

Fuck.

Guess who has been online shopping after taking Ambien again?

The shirt is a cute, and I would have most certainly picked it out in a non-Ambien state. That’s not the problem. Breaking my budget is the real issue.

Why can’t my Ambien spending sprees be limited to paying bills? Clearly my subconscious doesn’t understand that I’m going to need to replace my car soon. Oh, and buy groceries, UNLESS my subconscious is telling me to go on a diet. In which case, my subconscious is a total dickface and I demand a new one immediately. Can you imagine being able to custom order your subconscious? I would have a smaller ass, perfect skin, a great rack and much longer legs.

So I guess I need to train my subconscious to think I’m a Victoria’s Secret model. Great.

Comments

  • Girl, Ambien spending sprees are totally covered by insurance. ;)

  • I quit taking ambien after I found I was making unintelligible comments on Facebook with absolutely no recollection.

  • Can you ask your Ambien to accidently book you a ticket to come see me? I miss the hell out of you.

  • I wish AK was online shopping for me when he was taking ambien rather than making unintelligible comments on facebook.

  • Ordering your subconcious? You should check out the movie Cold Souls with Paul Giamatti.

  • I thought I was the only one who did this!!! OMG! I had to unlink my credit cards with my amazon account. I was 1-click ordering on my phone.

  • Thank you for the reminder that I was going to pay bills tonight. Seriously. I totally spaced it. Thanks to you my phone will not be turned off!

  • Funny, I had a similar vodka shopping spree on Amazon and ended up with a BBQ cover and a 3 disc set of the King’s Singers’ Madrigal Tour of History. Your subconscious wins.

  • i used to do the same thing! i couldn’t live like that any longer so now i take trazadone. stuff works like a charm.

  • I take Ambien every now and then and I never get to do anything more exciting than sleep. No shopping, no baking, no FB-ing, no driving. Nothing. I completely disappointed.

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