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In Utah This Week #100

That’s What She Said

That’s What She Said

Drinking Games–This shot at sports proves it’s really about the shots at the bar.

by Sarah Nielson


I’ve never been much of an athlete. In fact, I’ve spent a lifetime avoiding all sports-related activities. I suffered enough humiliation in gym classes as a kid that I’ve spent my entire adult life shunning all things sports. Especially ball sports – those childhood dodgeball bruises weren’t just physical ones.

When a friend of mine sent an e-mail about trying to find people for her kickball team, I thought, “What the hell?” It’s not like I had anything else going on Thursday nights, and maybe it was time to get over my fear of sports.

The kicker was when I found out the entire league goes to the bar together afterwards. I thought it would be a great way to meet new people. However, I overlooked one tiny detail: I have no athletic ability, and would soon be making a fool of myself in front of these people.

When I expressed this fear to my friend, she assured me that our team was there to have fun and none of the players were the competitive type. She also reminded me about the mid-season and end-of-season parties. I remembered hearing how much fun they had been the previous season, so I gave in and signed up.

I had the foresight to also sign up my younger, and much sportier, brother. It was the only way to be forgiven for any kickball blunders I would make during the season.

The first game went off without a snag, at least on my end. At the end of the game, there was a fight between the opposing team and the referee over a call, which I found more humorous than distressful.

It was the second game that made me want to give up kickball and find a sport more geared towards me. Something like synchronized drinking.

When it was my turn to kick I stood way too close to the plate. I admit I wasn’t really paying attention, but didn’t see why a woman on the opposing team felt the need to make snarky comments about it.

I’m the master of snark, but even I have my limits. I was livid. Frankly, if I thought I could have thrown the ball and hit her in the face, I would have. Instead, in a flustered state, I kicked the ball and got out at first. The second time I was up I didn’t fare any better.

I skipped the bar in lieu of a paper I needed to write for school, and immediately went home following the game. The thought of running into that woman at the bar may have had a little something to do with it as well.

I promised myself I’d play another couple of games before quitting. In life I’ve found having a plan helps me accomplish my goals. My plan is to drink enough before the game that I’m unaware of the fact I’m actually playing a sport.

It’s a well-thought-out plan and one that I hope will help. The pleasant buzz may also help with any anger issues if the next team decides to cop attitude. After all, a bottle of vodka is much cheaper than anger management classes.

To learn more about Salt Lake City’s kickball league visit www.kickball.com.


  • teams arguing with the ref? competitors making snarky remarks about rules? WTF? Its KICKBALL.

    I think you need to just put on some spandex and come ride with us.

  • Kickball should be fun. Don’t let other people ruin it for you.

  • You should have totally kicked the ball in her face. It may have made you the hit of the party that night.

  • Good thing my hubby almost took her out for you from what I understand. The fight was quite comical which is why i keep coming to watch. Tonight was not the most fun. Your team got spanked.

  • That actually sounds like fun, wish they had that here in GA. That does totally sound like a UT thing though.

  • Belvedere, Chopin, Grey Goose, or Ciroc?

    Or is there another that tickles your fancy?

  • I’m trying to picture playing kickball as an adult. I went to that website you linked to hoping for some video, but I didn’t see any. I’m wondering if it’s anything like a few years ago when I played dodgeball as an adult. It was exquisitely brutal and violent. Much like when we were kids, except with grown men with bloodlust in their eyes throwing a hard rubber ball at your face. It was quite fun. Kickball was a riot as a kid, I bet it’s even better as an adult.

  • That’s funny! I can really relate to being inadequate at sll things sports (I avoided many a gym class.) Who knew there was even such a thing as a kick ball league?

  • I like your idea of getting drunk before the game.. really it could only make playing kickball more fun.

  • What was the remark? Do tell!

  • I’m in a bowling league and we played against some jerkish boys who thought it was funny to taunt us – what’s with people trying to use intimidation tactics in friendly leagues? Those people suck. I probably would’ve flipped her off. I know, I’m so classy.

  • “A bottle of vodka is much cheaper than anger management.” That’s funny. And also my new motto!! Thanks!

  • No matter how ‘non-competitive’ sports leagues are supposed to be they always seem to end up being very serious and competitive, at least for some of the players. It’s so silly. I played softball for many years, both men’s leagues and co-ed and there are always the super-competitive jerks that think they’re playing in the World Series or something. Still, it’s always fun to hit the bars after the games, especially in the co-ed leagues.

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