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It doesn't count as hate mail if you don't actually send it. Right? RIGHT!!

Dear Jillian Michaels,

I hate, hate, HATE you! You’re the biggest ragbitchslutcuntwhore I’ve ever met. Only we’ve never met. I’d never even heard of you when I ordered your 30 Day Shred video. I’ve never seen “The Biggest Loser” so I had no idea what I was getting into. I saw an advertisement for your fitness DVD and thought it looked cool so I bought it.

Maybe you’re a lovely woman in your life outside of the gym. I’ll never know. What I do know is that you’re the damn devil. You’re the evil influence I need to stick to a workout program. My ass and thighs love you; I, on the other hand, want to punch you in the freaking face. And that’s just what I’m doing each time you have me doing 30 second intervals of punching. In my head I’m knocking your teeth out. It feels so damn good, so thanks for that part.

I’m only four days into the program and I can already see a difference. That doesn’t mean I hate you any less, it just means my ass looks way hotter. I thought you should know.

Regards,

Sarah

Comments

  • I’m glad you asked me to be a part of this hell when you FORCED me to buy the same workout video. I’m trying to convince myself that you’re just a wimp and that it won’t kick my ass as hard. Of course, the video hasn’t arrived yet. Nevermind…I want a hot ass too.

  • Um…is Jillian Michaels paying you? Because, in addition to Susan, you also want ME to buy it. But…your comment about your ass looking hotter has almost convinced me I need to buy it.

  • As I have the muscle tone of headcheese I am thinking that this would be like asking me to climb Mt. Everest.

    I’m tempted to get it before BlogHer but I would also like to be able to walk and/or be alive for the conference.

    Heh.

  • I have this DVD too and… I’ve given up on Ms. Michaels. That bitch is mean and awful.

    Maybe I should start back up on it.

  • i watch the biggest loser while i drink wine or eat ice cream and just wish i had Jilian’s arms…but nuffing else. did rlo buy it? he should…

  • I have that DVD. I did it for three days and then couldn’t walk for a week. Now every time I walk past it I shake in fear.

    Maybe if we all did it together… We could talk each other out of doing it at all and go get drinks instead!

  • Where did you get the keyrings?

    Thank you.

  • I have also been doing this program and let me tell you I’ve written a hate letter or two myself! That bitch is crazy but damn does she ever have an ass to aspire to. I keep thinking maybe when my ass looks like hers I won’t hate her so much…

    we’ll see.

  • Try doing dressage on a horse for an hour a day – now that will whip you into shape m’dear!!!!!! Your legs will never be the same after your trainer yells at you for an hour and you try and make an 800 pound horse move sideways…

    But so fun!!! Better than squats that is for sure…..

  • HA HA! I hate Jillian too, but in a good way. I just purchased another workout system (p90x) and look at it everytime I lace my shoes up for a run. These video folks really put the fear in me!

  • I’m in too. I’ll put my order into Amazon today. I have a secret goal of wearing booty shorts at the Cleavers next roller derby bout on August 15.

    The reviews on Amazon are hilarious. This is a favorite “I also don’t recommend this video to anyone over 40 or who has had children. A good portion of her aerobic section consists of Jumping Jacks for which she offers no alternative. The routine is both shin-splitting and pant-wetting. yuk!”

  • I just added it to my cart on Amazon. Now I’m trying to decide whether I should buy $16.01 more in stuff to save the $2.98 in shipping. What a racket! And I’m falling for it.

  • Ok, I’m joining the crowd and adding it to my list on Amazon. The description says it includes strength training…does this mean I’ll have to get weights too?

  • I just finished my 2nd workout with this video. The first one made me think I was dying – I almost went to the ER. This time I feel a bit like gloating because I don’t feel like I’m dying. I might actually be able to do this!

    Now to see if I can get my ass outta bed in the morning before work and do it.

    I must say though – her making me literally kick my own ass was a bit humiliating.

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