Dear Jillian Michaels,
I hate, hate, HATE you! You’re the biggest ragbitchslutcuntwhore I’ve ever met. Only we’ve never met. I’d never even heard of you when I ordered your 30 Day Shred video. I’ve never seen “The Biggest Loser” so I had no idea what I was getting into. I saw an advertisement for your fitness DVD and thought it looked cool so I bought it.
Maybe you’re a lovely woman in your life outside of the gym. I’ll never know. What I do know is that you’re the damn devil. You’re the evil influence I need to stick to a workout program. My ass and thighs love you; I, on the other hand, want to punch you in the freaking face. And that’s just what I’m doing each time you have me doing 30 second intervals of punching. In my head I’m knocking your teeth out. It feels so damn good, so thanks for that part.
I’m only four days into the program and I can already see a difference. That doesn’t mean I hate you any less, it just means my ass looks way hotter. I thought you should know.