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Jetting to Baghdad

Last weekend I received an email that shook me to the core. No, not freebie bacon enhanced vitamin water offers, BUT CAN YOU IMAGINE? I would bath in that stuff! It’s funny that for someone who dislikes meat so much (insert your own dirty joke) to love bacon. I pretend it’s made from soybeans–tasty pig-flavored soybeans.

But I digress.

The email was from Flyboy, or Captain America as Rlo nicknamed him. Remember the summer I spend dating him? Me too. Sigh…

I’ve questioned my decisions to break-up with him for two years now. And with just one email I got the closure I needed. Flyboy was deployed to Iraq. Suddenly the future I played out so many times in my head with him was shot down. Just like that.

Death frightens me. It’s just so… you know, final. I know myself well enough to know I’d be a mess the entire time if we had stayed together. A mess that even a good Shiraz and Xanax couldn’t fix. All this time I’ve hated myself for ending things, and now I’m selfishly happy that I did. I’m not strong enough to deal with the fear of someone I love dying, day in, and day out.

I wish him well, and if I knew his girlfriend’s address I’d send her a case of red wine and a bottle of Xanax. She’s going to need it.

Comments

  • Death sucks. But then according to my mama, so does life… oh dear.

  • I have a dear friend who’s served two tours in Iraq. The last one he was in a car hit by a roadside bomb, but miraculously no one in the car was killed. He was out of it for awhile though. It’s a seriously dangerous situation over there, no matter how nice the news like to paint the portrait. But thousands of soldiers serve and return alive. I hope that is the case for your friend.

  • Good lucky to your ex. It’s one big clusterfuck over there. My brother got back a few months ago and I fear he may end up back.

  • I don’t blame you for breaking up with him. You have to put yourself first.

    I couldn’t imagine – the stress of knowing someone you love could die any day – living with that every day. No thank you.

    My luck would be that he’d live, but I’d have a stroke or heart attack worrying that he wouldn’t make it.

  • I’ll donate a bottle of Xanax to that cause if you can track her down.

  • Good luck and godspeed to Flyboy. I hope he keeps his head down.

  • My ex broke up with me for his ex-fiance, and every day for about a year I wondered if we would ever have another chance.

    He too is in Iraq at the moment, getting shot at and blowing shit up. Quite honestly, he loves what he does, and I’m glad he is having fun. And I’m with someone who loves me more than he ever did, so I guess it worked out for the best…

    P.S. (And please feel free to quote me on this): I love your colon. H-O-T.

  • Best of luck to Flyboy if you are reading this in Iraq. Be safe.

  • My husband just returned from a year deployment to Iraq, I knew when we started dating 6 years ago it would happen eventually. I didn’t think I could handle it, but I did, and I came out a better, more independant woman. I’m not saying you should get back together with Flyboy, but you definately shouldn’t sell yourself short in the “holding my shiz together while he is deployed department”

  • In an effort to make you forget all the things that coulda, woulda, shoulda and mighta, take a gander at this piece of Spontaneous Orgasm:

    http://www.vosgeschocolate.com/product/bacon_exotic_candy_bar/exotic_candy_bars

  • not to sound horrible but I think you give military wives/ girlfriends (and yourself) the short end of the stick here. Think about it your loved one could walk out the door and get hit by a bus and die. I’ve been married seven years to a marine and we have three kids together. I worry more about something happening to them than I do him. I mean atleast I know that if he dies he did so for a good cause…mine and our kids freedom! If something happened to one of my little ones I don’t know what I would do (so does that mean your not going to have any children?) I think if your ex wrote you the least you could do it stay in touch with him while he is over there…I know the men and women deployed could use all the support we can give them….maybe you’ll find out that by being a little less selfish and being concerned more for him than your own fears about death you’ll see that you can make it through a deployment!

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