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Lady Bits Should Always be a Dinner Conversation

I should never be allowed to talk to strangers. I always say something stupid that I later over-analyze. Last weekend was no different…

I stopped at a convenience store on my way home from spin class, and as I was paying for my drink the cashier attempted to exchange simple pleasantries.

“How is your day going?”

“OK I guess, but I could really do without the ass chaffing my new bike shorts are causing.”

I can only guess that his complete silence was due to his extreme discomfort in discussing my ass. Really he should consider himself lucky that I didn’t try to talk about my lady bits with him. RLO may or may not be giving me the silent treatment for trying to show him my chaffing over dinner.

People are so freaking sensitive these days. With that in mind, I’m going to follow the below script for each and every conversation I encounter with a stranger:

“How is your day going?”

“Great, thanks for asking.”

Sure it’s boring as hell, but it’s just so much easier. That precious time I would have spent obsessing over the conversation is time that could be dedicated to watching trashy reality television shows. Or scratching my ass.


  • Maybe the chaffing made him think of lips and the ass made him think of cheeks. He didn’t know what to say and the moment passed. I bet he has something to say now.

  • You never know, he could have obsessed over the same conversation. “Why didn’t I respond? I should have asked for her number. Chapped asses are hot!”

  • I wish people would stop inquiring as to how my day is going when they don’t want to know. I mean, isn’t that a really personal question from a stranger, anyway? Perhaps society should change the greeting to “Good Day” or something less intrusive. “Hi, how are you?” is not appropriate from total strangers.

  • I’m with Misty on this one. I’ve been saying that for years! If you don’t really want to know how I am, then don’t ask. When people ask me how I am, I stop and think about it. Nonetheless, it makes for great blogging and I actually laughed audibly at your post.

  • No, no, no. Try something with a little more flair, like: Aside from the double homicide, my day is going awesome! That would totally be entertaining for you, and keep people on their toes.

  • I wish my kid would learn this. The cashiers at the grocery store know too much about my gynecological situation and my love life, thanks to her.

  • I have decided you could be BLEEDING FROM THE HEAD and a cashier would say, “how are you” and you could say “Great!”

    And that would be the end of it.

    Lame. Yet comforting for those of us that are socially awkward and get conversation anxiety.

  • He didn’t want to talk about your ass chaffing??? What is wrong with him??? He clearly should have offered you some nachos. I think that’s in the training… get stuck, don’t know what to say- offer nachos.

    Reality usually doesn’t appeal to me, but lately I just can’t get enough of those Orange County Housewives. That crazy Gretchen…

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