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Mother Invasion

“Sarah, honey, I’m going to come pick you up for lunch.  I’ll be at your house in twenty minutes.”

Shit.  My mom hasn’t been to my apartment in ages.  We usually meet at my brother’s house or elsewhere.  I panicked imagining all the things that may bother her.  Yes I’m an adult, but no matter what age I am I will always be her little girl.

First things first, I opened all the windows in an attempt to cool my little sauna apartment down.  I can hear her now, “It’s so hot in here sweetie.  How can you stand it?  You really need to move.  Maybe buy a house…  your younger brothers all have.”

I hit the bathroom next.  Every Saturday of my childhood consisted of chores.  I was in charge of cleaning the bathrooms in our house—with four brothers none of whom could manage to aim a stream of urine, this was quite the task.  I’ve hated cleaning bathrooms ever since.  Needless to say, my bathroom is always a disaster. Knowing her need for a clean, germ-free bathroom I scoured every surface.

After racing around for exactly twenty-two minutes the phone rang. “Sarah, dear, I’m two minutes from your house.  Meet me outside.  See you in a second.”

Fuck.  Seriously?  All that and she wasn’t even coming upstairs.  As I walked outside to meet her I sighed a deep breath of relief.  Luckily she hadn’t come upstairs because guess who forgot to make her bed and put away her unmentionables?  Again.


  • Ha! I hear ya! I haven’t had my parents over in forever. and when I do I crank on the air because my mom will also say “Wow, it’s so HOT in here…”

    and my bathroom. Ah, yeah… don’t look to closely. Actually if you were blind that would be better.

  • Holy shit there’s a zombie on your page!!! Kill it!!!

    I just wanted to give you a heads up. This feels strange as you’re typically the one with the info as you seem to have your finger on the pulse of all that’s cool along the Wasatch front. I’m the featured blogger on 30 something bloggers and listed your blog as one of the blogs I read. You might want to upgrade your server as all of your blog dreams are about to come true. You are welcome…Utah represent! (whatever that means)

    And lets be honest…after a bottle or two isn’t it you that pees on the floor? Its ok…we are all friends here… (internet strangers = friends)

  • What is it with Mothers and bathrooms that resemble the Slough of Despond? My mother hasn’t seen my upstairs bathroom in five years, and I don’t intend on changing that. In fact, I’m in the habit of intercepting her at the back door and ushering her to the car whenever she makes an appearance. Still, the shower curtain took a swipe at me this morning – something may need to be done.

  • I understand about always being your mother’s little girl.
    I am the same.

    I am fortunate though in that I always remember to keep my unmentionables stored away so
    she won’t unexpectedly drop by and see them.

    I’m THAT paranoid!

  • So my little sister came to stay with us for the summer and wouldn’t quit taking a shower in MY bathroom. So I left a “contraceptive device” on the shower door and a “unmentionable” smack in the middle of the shower. She didn’t use it again. Hmm I should blog about that..

  • I consider myself lucky, I would have at least 4 hours notice before my mother could show up at my house. Or at least an hour if she called from the airport to ask directions!

  • I can relate. I invite my parents over for dinner on a Sunday, spend all weekend cleaning the WHOLE house and they stay for an hour and don’t leave the dining room………

  • Every time my mother comes over, the first thing I do is hide the rolling papers, and next I make sure that there are no stray condom wrappers under the bed.

    Everything else she’ll just have to deal with and shut up about.

  • See, I’d have had to invite her up for SOMETHING just so she could see the clean bathroom! I live in a pig sty but so does my mom so it’s not a big deal. I figure if she can live in her house she can surely visit mine!


  • My, my, my someone is a feisty sausage today isn’t he? Forgetting your battery powered toothbrush on the very bed your mother would soon walk in upon? Incredible!

  • I’m always trying to make sure the kitchen sink is totally clean when my mom comes over. As long as that’s done, I feel I’m all good.

  • I am the same way with my mother in law. they find a bottle of lube ONE TIME, and their go all CSI on you at every visit.

  • Ho ho! I had almost forgotten! A similar event occurred a trifling week ago!

    My father was meeting me for a cup of fish juice, when he walked into my living room. What did he find, praytell? An enormous, brown, pug-shaped dildo!

    Fortunately, he mistook it for a chocolate dipped frozen banana! Oh my father, such a sweet tooth :-D

  • You’re dirty. =]

  • Been there done that with mom, aka Queen Inspector. I am more interested in why your ad for asian women needing romance popped up?

  • You should move far, far away so this type of incident can NEVER happen. It’s much easier than trying to keep your house up to mommy-standard.

  • I have to do that anytime ANYONE comes over. EXCEPT my mom… she’s usually half in the bag. I like to invite people over at least once a week, just to insure I get the dishes done and the bathroom wiped down. Otherwise, it would only happen at Christmas. I enjoy clean, I just don’t enjoy cleaning, or sweating, or cat hair.

  • Man you should see my place sometimes. My mom hasn’t been there in ages. I visit her at HER house, where it is always spotless.

  • This is exactly why I live 1000 miles away from my mother. Well, that and the fact that she drives me crazy.

    I have a recurring nightmare that I get killed on my way to work and my sister (v. Mormon, v. pure) will have to come box up my things and will find my “toy drawer”. Therefore, I keep everything in a couple of these pillows. You should get one:


  • You at least have a clean bathroom until the next phone call….


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