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My Day in Court

I’m taking a vacation day from work today.  Neither because I want to, nor because I’m going to some exotic location with cabana boys to tend to my every possible need.

Unless, of course, you consider a court room an exotic location…  WHICH I DON’T!

Last winter I  witnessed a hit-and-run/drunk driving accident, and made the mistake of reporting it to the police.  Never, ever again.

Sure I’ll report it, but that will be that.  I’ll call the police, report it and immediately hang up.  I will not stay on the phone at 3:00 AM with the police while I chase down the car to get a license plate number.  And when I find the car pulled over with a girl covered in blood, I won’t try to help.  Nope, not me, I’ll be home sleeping.

I wish I knew what to expect today. I’m really hoping for a wine and cheese mixer beforehand.  I’d like to ask the defendant if her broken nose healed properly, and if she learned her lesson not to wake people up in the middle of the night by hitting a parked car repeatedly.  I’m also wondering if she thought my pajamas were cute that night, they were my new Christmas jammies.

Ohhh, and I hope they serve red wine. I know it’s summer, but I’m not really a white wine drinker. It just isn’t pleasing to my palate, and an displeased palate has been known to cause extreme orneriness. I don’t want to be ornery on the stand.  Otherwise who knows what could happen.  Am I allowed to give my answers in rhyming form?  Or better yet, sing-song?

I’m also wondering if I can suggest the death penalty.  Anyone who wakes me up from deep slumber deserves death.


  • Being a good person is a bitch huh? You deserve LOTS of red wine and more.

    I think you should totally ask if you can ASK her questions. “Um excuse me Mr. Judge. I just have a few questions for HER!” DO IT!

  • I don’t know if this will make you feel any better, but I got stuck on jury duty for 4 days last week. But since the trial ended, I’ve had two dates with the cute deputy who was in the courtroom. Tonight will be our third :)

    So keep your eye out for any hot cops. Good luck!

  • You’re a good citizen! I agree with Becky, just interject yourself into the conversation. I mean, a girl needs to know if her jammies were cute or not!

    Oh and yes, definitely keep your eyes out for hot cops. I was recently approached *ahem* by a state hwy patrolman for no apparent reason as I was just sitting in my parked car at a qwicky mart eating my lunch. He felt the need to tell me that my tag was expiring at the end of the month. I didn’t get his name b/c his badge was covered by his huge bulging muscles and it was hard to look away from that nicely chiseled chin with the big dimple in the middle oh and his gun…

    I digress.

    Have fun in court!

  • Well, it’s been my experience that red sangria serves as a wonderful breakfast with all that abundant fruit and always breaks the ice with those around me. In my case, it also works as a truth serum, so drink up darling.

  • Hmmm.. going to court for a case that involves drunk driving – while hoping they serve wine there.

    That makes an interesting picture. ha ha ha ha ha!

  • Rhyming form would be hysterical. Let me know if you do it and I’ll be there. Time and place please. I’ll also bring you a bottle of pink “Bitch” wine. It’s adorable. I don’t drink wine so I am not sure how it tastes but the label was really cute.

  • I am not a white wine drinker either. Red only for me please, and I’m pretty fond of the “two-buck Chuck”. Have fun I guess, maybe your day in court will turn out well like it did for Shannon in the post above. You go Shannon!

  • I am sure you will be a great witness… Sing-song testimony.. I love it!

    As a retired EMT, I can say thanks for reporting it, even when it becomes a pain in your ass. She could have been seriously hurt, and no-one would have known.

  • Girl, you are a walking country song. You should write yourself down.

  • i saw a girl get run over on her bike and was subpoenaed, too. pain in the butt. definitely put a bad taste in my mouth about being a good samaritan.

  • The woman a-left from the party
    While chugging a fifth of Bacardi
    The tremble of her liver
    Caused a full-body quiver
    Till the streets were like the Gras of Mardi

    She pummeled a simple parked car
    With police ignorantly afar
    But who should a’ tellum
    But myself, Sarah Bellum
    Who found her all bloody and scarred

    And now to the stand I am called
    To sing to the one who was mauled
    While drinking red wine
    My pajamas on mind
    The whole courthouse is gaping, appalled

    Except, as I look down the line
    Into the eyes of the one for whom I pine
    I hear a faint rapping
    Which, indeed, is the clapping
    Of my dearest of loves, my Trollpop Janglestein.

    We retreat to a house in Bermuda
    Eating, with wine, squares of Gouda
    At my side Cap’n Daisy
    Wrinkled and lazy
    Who violently attacks all intruda’s

    On each other we lovingly depend
    Thousands of RLOs do we befriend
    And I forget of the court
    And my late night report
    And pray that this dream never ends

  • Am I the only one who feels my comments are insignificant when they follow Trollpop? Sheesh.

    Good luck Sarah! I hope you are fond of whatever outfit you choose to present yourself to the court with. And meet a beautiful boy and that the two of you can go have a liquid lunch when your day in court is all said and done.

  • Laughing hysterically at Trollpop’s comment!

  • Sorry m’dear the death penalty in Utah is reserved for people who attempt escape from the MTC…

  • I’ve seen two hit and runs this year (though no one was hurt and it was only property that was damaged). I reported those and would do it again. I know it’s a pain in the ass to be a good samaritan but I’d only hope that if someone hit me or my property and ran, that someone else would stand up and do the right thing.

  • The court room not an exotic location? Let me count the striking parallels between our judicial system and the pornographic industry: hung jury; the model penal code; the esteemed members of the bar revue; and that’s before even traveling to Britain where you can slide down a barrister and be solicitor (legally & sexually). And that doesn’t even account for the exot..err, exemplary law clerks that at least one local judge prefers to hire. Need I go on?

    Of course, some of us pull off the Atticus Finch quite well.

  • Excellent Trollpop!

  • What a drag. But you’re doing something good. So good luck! At least you’re not the defendant.

  • You are BADASS for following that driver!

    Mercy, I love you. Hopefully time spent in court zooms!

  • Would you have followed the girl on your new scooter? If you had a cape, you’d look like Super Barbie….and would thus be a legend evermore. Where did you get the Delta cup? Do they make an Oak City one?

  • I’ve worked at the PD for 8 years now and there are definitely tons of Officer Hotties there, but there are also tons of Officer Uglies. Luck of the draw I guess.

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