I’m taking a vacation day from work today. Neither because I want to, nor because I’m going to some exotic location with cabana boys to tend to my every possible need.
Unless, of course, you consider a court room an exotic location… WHICH I DON’T!
Last winter I witnessed a hit-and-run/drunk driving accident, and made the mistake of reporting it to the police. Never, ever again.
Sure I’ll report it, but that will be that. I’ll call the police, report it and immediately hang up. I will not stay on the phone at 3:00 AM with the police while I chase down the car to get a license plate number. And when I find the car pulled over with a girl covered in blood, I won’t try to help. Nope, not me, I’ll be home sleeping.
I wish I knew what to expect today. I’m really hoping for a wine and cheese mixer beforehand. I’d like to ask the defendant if her broken nose healed properly, and if she learned her lesson not to wake people up in the middle of the night by hitting a parked car repeatedly. I’m also wondering if she thought my pajamas were cute that night, they were my new Christmas jammies.
Ohhh, and I hope they serve red wine. I know it’s summer, but I’m not really a white wine drinker. It just isn’t pleasing to my palate, and an displeased palate has been known to cause extreme orneriness. I don’t want to be ornery on the stand. Otherwise who knows what could happen. Am I allowed to give my answers in rhyming form? Or better yet, sing-song?
I’m also wondering if I can suggest the death penalty. Anyone who wakes me up from deep slumber deserves death.