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My Secret Life as a Stripper

The end of the semester is a mere two weeks away. I’m a nervous wreck!

I’m terrified to take my research final; I’m trying to finish my final projects, register for the next two semesters AND arrange an internship. Oh, and did I mention I have a job I need to work into the mix? I’ve been stressed out and not sleeping well.

When I have trouble sleeping weird things happen. This morning for example, I woke up this morning I noticed a couple of strange things. First of all I had glitter on my legs. Body glitter only means one thing, yo. STRIPPERS! Upon further inspection I looked into the mirror and noticed I was wearing lipstick. I rarely wear lipstick so waking up with red robust lips is completely out-of-character.

I’m obviously a stripper. There’s really no other explanation.

Well, actually there is.. my new self-tanning lotion has glitter in it. I’m annoyed that the label doesn’t have a hooker warning.  Also my lipstick debacle isn’t really lipstick at all. I accidentally bought the tinted lip balm instead of the regular and placed it on my nightstand.

The scary part is that it took me two days to figure this out. TWO DAYS IS A LONG TIME TO BE AN IMAGINARY STRIPPER! I just hope the money I made isn’t imaginary money and is hanging out in my bank account right now. Fingers crossed.


  • Am I sleeping with you or Loralee? Because you kinda freak me out! :)

  • I think the part where they say “results may vary” is the part where they mean you might end up looking like a hooker. They just can’t say it because it’s not PC and would hurt people’s feelings. Then the tanning gods would get sued and go out of business. And then we’d all look like a bunch of pale virgins. Or something.

  • two things …

    1st) Carmex comes in tubes, is not tinted and does loverly thinkgs to your lips while you sleep!

    2nd) just think about how pretty your legs are with the bling you’ve polished them with! A pretty princess every morning!

  • I want sparkly glitter legs. And I have the pole skills to go with them!

  • I want glitter legs too! I’m currently settling for shaved legs. no I don’t have them, but I’m dreaming small.

  • I did the same thing with tinted lip balm however I did it at work and with a really dark shade. My assistant even made a “wow, your lip color is darker than normal” comment, which I ignored. Should I also mention that I put on my lip balm much sloppier than I would apply dark lipstick. I bet I looked like a clown that day.

  • You have a lot on your mind right now! It’s no wonder it took a few days to figuring out your not a stripper!

  • Either an imaginary stripper or a very tall 6-year-old girl. Your pick.

  • I’m with you on the end of semester thing. Like right now… I’m reading blogs instead of writing a very important paper. Did I mention graduation is 17 days away? And that I have to turn this paper in SOON? I definitely like to live dangerously.

  • school? did you say semester and finals and projects? I just tuned out.

    Ok, I didn’t I was hoping to find some stripper advice.

  • Seriously, you’re not even going to tell us what type of self-tanner it was so we can avoid/pursue potential careers as “imaginary” ladies of the night.

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