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No Spandex Allowed

I’m obsessed with Rlo’s balls. As I type this I’m suddenly wondering if his family members have stumbled upon this blog. Hmm…

At my last job I had a co-worker who occasionally rode his bike to work. Now, I understand bikers wear spandex, but when you arrive at the office you should change immediately. No one deserves to see co-workers in plum smugglers. NO ONE!

I don’t know if he forgot he was in spandex, or if he just got busy before changing. Whatever the case, I hated it. The first few times he tried to discuss work with me, while wearing spandex, I would politely ask him to put pants on. After a month of this I lost patience and told him I can’t work so close to his balls. I need distance! It got to the point I refused to acknowledge his presence until he changed out of his spandex. After a few months he finally broke the spandex habit. Every single one of his future co-workers owes me a bit thanks. Because of me, they will never have to be within close proximity of his balls.

What does this have to do with Rlo’s balls? He, too, is a biker. He, too, wears the dreaded spandex. Whenever Rlo and I make plans I always have to ask how many layers there will be between his balls and me. Before committing to plans, I require a promise of at least two layers. Is that really so much to ask?

Comments

  • I’m probably going to be in the minority on this one, but I don’t think guys should wear spandex for any reason, EVER (cyclist or not.) I don’t like it and…I DON’T LIKE IT.

  • I wear spandex bike shorts but I’m a woman so there’s no plum smuggling going on. Just some saddlebaggery.

  • I used to work with a guy who cycled to and from work, and thus wore a lot of Lycra. I kind of liked it…

  • I agree. You are obsessed with Rlo’s junk.

  • Because I’m evil, I hope his family reads this site.

  • How can I bet me some of his balls? The co-worker or Rlo. I’m not picky, just desperate.

  • I want his junk!!!!

  • Spandex = WRONG

    Seriously. It should never have been invented

  • I think biker spandex is hawt. Seriously.

  • Spandex in any shape or form is just bad. Just remember if he’s a biker, chances are, the balls, just their for appearances, not function. No offense to the bikers of the world, just a biological issue that is perty common.

  • But did the guy at work put one foot on your chair while he was talking to you?

  • I guess I’m a little late on this one, but a few points:

    -One, people have bodies. They’re naked under their clothes. If you’re that picky, stay home and write.

    -Two, For those that cycle more than the average hipster and doesn’t want the seams in normal underwear and/or pants to be constantly rubbing against some sensitive areas, the spandex is the shit. That’s what they were designed for, among other things.

    -Three, Seriously get over your issues with bodies. The dude with the spandex does not have the issue, you do.

  • Ryan, you’re telling me that spandex is appropriate for work? That’s where the problem lies, it’s work and unprofessional. I do not think spandex should be allowed in the workplace. Ever. And I’m positive clients everywhere agree.

  • If the post was about professional attire in the all too conservative world of business, then yes, wear the monkey suit. Corporate professionals and their clients tend to be some of the most close-minded people on the planet. I guess distractions by something they haven’t spent much thought on would keep them from making a living.

    I stand by my prior comments, though. There isn’t a single sentence that would give any reader the idea that you were only speaking of spandex only in the business world. There is much that would give me the idea that you’ve lived a sexually repressed existence in Utah (or similar conservative environment), though!

  • Ryan, to clarify… spandex, while not the most attractive clothing, is perfectly acceptable outside of the office and outside of my bed–the sexually repressed one. Your comment totally made me smile, and dammit I needed that smile. Thanks!

  • Glad I could provide some amusement if not a light snack of thought. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond! &^)

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