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Note to all Single Girls

1) When you wake up with a migraine always, ALWAYS take medicine for it! Do not try to tough it out, this just results in being a mess when your entire day goes to shit.

2) Never break anything in your house on a Saturday night. Every boy you know will either be having sex and not answering the phone, drinking at the bar and can’t drive or they’ve abandoned you and moved to stupid San Diego. Also, brothers are always MIA during sister emergencies, proving they really are worthless and your parents should have made more girls.

2) Pink hammers are cute, but not intended for real work. They break easily and you’re left with a broken hammer, a broken lock, a broken spirit and no boys to be found.

3) When you need to pee while in Sandy at Target after drinking wine and coffee, do not decide to hold it until you get home (which is downtown). Because ultimately you’ll end up locked out of your bathroom and screaming at the lock to open. Which of course won’t, so you end up in tears, and still have no bathroom to clean the mascara off your face.

4) Never decide to stay home on a Saturday night. Always meet your friends at the bar when they text you, otherwise bad things happen.


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