Yesterday afternoon I stopped at ShopKo hoping to find a cheap, black jacket to keep at the office since my nerds keep the heat low. They have The Force to keep them warm. Me? Not so much. I need something a little more tangible than made-up nerd crap.
I found two potentials and made my way to the dressing room. Four of the five dressing room stalls didn’t have mirrors. Just as I was about to take the only usable stall, an elderly woman walked in. Channeling my inner nice I stepped aside and let her go first.
One problem: old people are slow, and I am impatient. I waited a total of five minutes and then convinced myself she suffered a heart attack and was dead. I didn’t feel the need to alert anyone, because really she’s already dead. What could they possibly do? I mean besides find her a nice outfit to be buried in.
I made the best of the situation and headed to the empty men’s dressing room. No biggie. I’d be in and out before anyone noticed… or so I thought. Unfortunately, after trying the clothes on, I couldn’t get the stall door opened again. The stupid lock was stuck. I twisted it a few times, but nothing happened. I attempted to use my best ninja move and kick the door open, but having the ability to watch my bad ass moves in the mirror was too distracting.
Thinking I was still alone I dropped to all fours and crawled under the stall door towards freedom.
Only freedom just happened to be the left foot of a store manager. You know because my life isn’t weird enough. He looked as shocked as I did, but recovered just in time to lecture me on my inappropriate shopping behavior.
I had absolutely no retort. Nothing. The dude, in all his pimply glory, was correct. I apologized and left, making myself empty threats never to shop there again.
I think it’s safe to say I will never again channel my inner nice, because nice is bullshit and results in figuring out ways to move closer to Target.