Last night I asked Daisy the Pug if she wanted a baby or a new puppy. She cocked her head after each word, stood up and walked into the kitchen. She scratched the cabinet door open and pulled out the Hello Kitty toaster.
My dog doesn’t want a human baby or a fur baby. She wants fucking toast, which either says a lot about my parenting skills, or that my dog is a selfish whore.
Either way I called my vagina doctor and canceled the appointment to remove my IUD. Which is probably OK because I don’t have the time, money, or penis it takes to make and care for a baby.
The point of this story is that my dog is a selfish whore, not that my biological clock is ticking.