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Ponderings of a Braziered Trollpop

After many emails asking me about commenter Trollpop I decided to let him guest post and hopefully explain himself.  Other readers have expressed concern that he seems threatening.  I don’t know if he is, or not, but the small-town girl in me is going to trust him.  For now.  I have no idea who he is, but maybe we’ll all get a better idea after reading this very lengthy post:

I.
Tonight, oh children young and old
Rejoice thyselves in this prologue
Observe, my tale shall soon be told
Laboriously, on Nielstein’s blog
Listen closely, friend or stein
Perchance thy shall some wisdom gain
Out poureth my soul into thine
Profusely as the summer rain

Joy and mirth must flow’r from grief
And sadly doth my story start
Nary a drop of cool relief, could
Grace upon my lonesome heart
Longing for a woman’s face
Entreated I the internet;
Sarah Bellum’s smile did place
Tears upon me, white and wet
Every sorrow in my life
Instantly she did consume
Nielson, I would make my wife, and Daisy my cycloptic groom

- Trollpop Janglestein, an excerpt from “Lustful Janglings and Other Short Stories”

II.

The heartiest goulash of salutations to you all! At the request of Madame Sarah Bellum I appear before you now, humbly to add a slab of my mind upon this steamingly lavish pile of witful, charming tales. Even now the stones cry out with joy so strained, one wonders if any mountain will be left untouched! And I, like the stones, must strain to keep inside the hot liquidy excitement which, on account of this monumental occasion, within me bubbles. But alack, for the sake of prudence I shall limit the creamy geyser of celebration to a trickling dribble of gratitude, and leave the rest, oh reader, as but a jigsaw puzzle for yourself to piece together. The elk tastes all the richer, dear friend, when you have clubbed it yourself ;-). Therefore, I shan’t say more on the matter.

III.

I have been instructed to lecture on a few, basic tenants of Trollpopery. The outline for this discussion shall be as follows:

I. Poetic Excerpt
II. Introduction
III. Outline
IV. Who am I, why am I here, and do I mean harm?
V. Q&A
VI. Final Remarks

IV.

Now I turn to the matter at hand. Many ShellyDs, Beaches, and others like them have asked such probing nonsensical questions as “Who is Trollpop?”, “Why is he here?”, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, etc. These are questions of deep significance; my lifeblood, pumping through my veins. Thus they are, metaphorically, the IV of my outline, pumping rich nourishment, through the tubes of the internet, into the wrists of my starved, tattered reputation.

Who am I, you may ask? I find the question increasingly odd. How does one know anyone, except for what he says? And I have spoken tenfold more than anyone else on this Web Log (perhaps more than Her Bellumness herself!) Indeed, I reveal more about my innermost thoughts and outermost pleasures than most anyone on any corner of the entire Internet. I am but a simple Trollpop, with few things to hide. The word Janglestein should, of course, conjure up images of such immense detail, that mere description would serve only to dampen your vision.

Why, then, do I reside upon this particular blog? A cinematic example, I believe, would be of much use here. With the passion that this Puggish creature throws herself at a mere short tail, so do I choose to throw my own self at Miss Nielson’s short tales. Passionately I chase them, spinning words round and round, snorting comments and drooling innuendo as I go in dizzying succession. They are, to me, a simple pleasure, but a tauntingly alluring one at that. For as Captain Daisy and Commadore Bellum elegantly show us, even things of menial importance, be they the stub of a tail or a daily occurrence of equal depth, may bring about unsurpassed joy to millions! Let us each, with the blissfully ignorant fervor of a pug, pursue the Ass of life for as long as our stumpy little legs may carry us! In this, there is great joy.

Finally, I must dispel rumors of grave solemnity. My feisty love biscuit has confided in me that many of you have expressed fear for her safety! THIS IS AN OUTRAGEOUS, OFFENSIVE, PREPOSTEROUS PROPOSITION! While my love for Miss Nielson is quite exquisitely volatile, it is certainly not explosively violent! I am but a joyful, cool-tempered old vessel; a soft and welcoming friend to all. I would lay a hand on no one without his/her/pug’s express permission to do so. Furthermore, as I have expressed only the deepest love, lust, and adoration for said Female without the slightest violen undertones, the concept is increasingly puzzling! Against such rumors I must take firm action, and so I will do my part to silence the mouth of the accusers, forcefully pin the issues down, and tear off the cloak of lies till the true motives for such hatemongering are laid cold and bare. While accusations may scream against me, I will heed them not, continuing to penetrate the falsehoods with the intense power of the truth, till finally a seed of hope may be planted, birthing into full-fledged trust. I trust that never again will the purity of my intentions be put into question.

V.

…very well then.

VI.

Many thanks for listening to the old janglings of a crusted soul as myself, and more thanks a-plentiful to Sarah Bellum and His Pugnicity for allowing me this grave duty. I humbly entreat them both to allow me this opportunity again. I leave thee with a song of gratitude.
Some Day shall i go with thee
Away, Among the forestry
Reach Into these tangled vines
And Shall you then with janglestein
Here Young and joyful dance with ecstasy

Comments

  • Not only is this guy creepy, he can’t even spell your last name correctly. Get yourself a concealed weapons permit.

  • I was one of the readers who emailed you expressing my concern for your safety. This post did nothing to calm that fear but worsened it. I think it’s time to block him from your site.

  • He is really creepy and trust me…I know creepy!

  • 1. Um, where exactly in that post did Trollpop spell Nielson incorrectly? I’m not finding that…
    2. Surely I’m not the only one (in addition to Sarah herself) who finds Trollpop amusing. I laugh hysterically at the way his (her?) brain works.
    3. My favorite part of this post? “Part V… very well then.” Seriously, do people just not get this stuff? Hilarious!

  • “Laboriously, on Nielstein’s blog” first paragraph.

  • And might I be bold enough to suggest that Sarah KNOWS Trollpop, as in He’s A Friend of Hers, as in An Actual Person That She Knows In The Real World.

    Geez, internet, relax!

  • Andi, I actually don’t know who Trollpop is. I’ve often wondered if it is indeed someone I know, but no one has fessed up yet.

  • I figured Trollpop was the same as Non-Troll Doll. Glad I’m wrong.

    I don’t think he’s threatening or dangerous. I just think he’s annoying.

    P.S. to Janglestein: Your “thy” in the first stanza of I. should be “thou”.

    thy = your
    thou = you (subject form)
    thee = to you/ with you (i.e. object form of ‘you’)
    thine = yours

    If you’re going to talk like an annoying old school poetic fairy, you might as well get your pronouns right.

  • I do not think Trollpop is a dangerous person.

    I think he’s different and people don’t like different.
    We get used to things as they are and quite comfortable with it.

    When I first read his postings I thought “what a fucking weirdo..”
    but the more I read I began to understand his lingo and I think he is quite humorous and very intelligent.

    I admire you for continuing to allow him to comment – and for letting him do a guest post on your blog.

    That’s all I have to say about that.

    Kate

    p.s. I also don’t think someone mispelling a name or using Thy when they should use Thou really matters. We all make mistakes.

  • I think he reminds me of an ex boyfriend who still stalks me online.
    I think he’s creepy.
    Just don’t ever meet him in person :)

  • this is all very interesting!

  • I think Trollpop is RLO. He would never admit that to you, though.

    Oh! What if Trollpop is the guy who abandoned the items in the grocery store?? Total devotion AND a huge package!

    Trollpop, if that’s true, you can reach me at 801-446-XXXX.

  • OMG. I mostly have to skim. Its just too weird.

    But in his defense, I don’t think he’s spelling Sarah’s name incorrectly, but more going for a theme. You know, Janglestein… Neilstein… et ceterastein…

  • ha ha ha! I love Jess’s “et ceterastein”.. too funny! And I’m guessing.. oh so true!

  • Greetings and many thanks for reading!

    Sra: Indeed do I understand very clearly the Genitive/Possessive uses of Thy vs the Nominative use of Thou. Tis merely a flexing of language, meant — much like the “Stein” which I attribute to Sarah — to be endearing. Clearly, it has worked ;-)

  • Uh huh….I think Sharon Tate let Charles Manson post on her blog one time too. I’m just sayin’…

  • May I add that all adoring fans and rapemongering paranoids alike may voice concerns to janglestein@gmail.com, or upon my own blog collective.

  • It’s just annoying and fucking weird.

  • Trollpop = Rlo.

    Just sayin’….

  • I cant even read that shit. My brain simply goes blank and I start thinking about the chocolate stashed in my desk drawer and I close out of the webpage.

    I read exactly one sentence, skimmed down and read half of another and that did me in. God that was annoying.

  • desperate coat-tail-riding masturbatory-diarrhea-of-the-mouth if you ask me…

    he needs to get a life

  • Masturbatory diarrhea of the mouth! Provocative imagery indeed, Anonymous — clearly I am not the only one with a Cup, and the Two Girls who have made it famous, on the brain!

  • So this fucker just sits around all day reading sarah’s blog comments – then commenting about other’s opinions.
    … douch bag…
    Trollpop… did you get grounded from your x-box again this weekend!?

  • I also voiced my concerns to Sarah about trollpop or “Trollup” as it came out that day. His posts are like sitting through freshman year of Shakespear English. I find myself nodding off and going into that dazed and glazed over feeling I used to get in my eyes. I think his posts are somewhat silly and incredibly weird. They don’t make a whole lot of sense to me personally and I can’t imagine that Sarah’s the least bit “charmed” by this person. I also can’t imagine she finds his type of poetry and fixation on her flattery of any kind.

    With all that being said I think comments acknowledging how fucking weird he is (and I’ve done this myself…doing it now) only fuels his ego and encourages him to keep posting his outrageous form of “flattery” type posts toward dearest Sarah.

    Besides all that, does anyone else outside the 16th century talk/write/communicate the way he does? I’m sorry, it’s just not right.

    God Bless you Sarah.

  • I am quite befuddled indeed, Sir Anonymous. This is not Sarah’s post, but my own pride and joy. All comments, I would imagine, are directed towards myself, and for myself to respond to as need be — particularly in those instances when it has been asserted that I am a rapist, stalker, or other quite offensive remarks. Indeed, I am very juvenile; the type who would call a stranger a “fucking freak” or “douch bag” (which, one would imagine, is a distant relative of the douche), who would mask myself in anonymity without name or contact information for response. Forgive me for my ways :-(

  • Its been driving me nuts for hours and Ive figured it out! Trollop reminds me of the guy from the Freddie Prinze Jr movie with Julia Stiles- Down To You. (on every weekend on some crappy cable station). Go ahead and rent it and tell me he doesnt remind you of this guy!

    http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1800352714/photo/36777

  • Oh Trollpop…

    I’m embarrassed by the way people are acting/commenting/etc. You have every right to comment just as they have the freedom to do so. I’m glad that Sarah allowed you a chance to post, though I do find the need to re-read nearly each of your sentences. And, no, you don’t write “normal” blog posts, but really…what’s the fun in that anyway?

    Keep on keepin’ on, Trollpop…

  • God, you people can’t seem to recognize a troll, even when it calls itself by name. This is obviously a fictional character whose posts are meant to be mostly nonsense. Just read his blog, everything he and his collaborators have written falls in that category.

  • Holy frick! This Trollpop guy commented on my weblog for months with the same type of nonsensical and annoying posts. I finally chased him off after asking him to please stop (maybe a little too forcefully) and telling him why exactly I would not tolerate what he was doing. He is ridiculous, and he makes me want to scream. And drink.

  • Trollpop is a mystery who obviously wants to remain that way. His comments and blog are well… strange I guess, but I don’t think he means any harm to Sarah. Sometimes he really irritates me and sometimes I laugh my ass off! I have read his blog and don’t understand the whole janglestein, bagelstein, waffelstein, etc. He makes it sound like different people but I think it just him writing as all characters. I am so confused but yet I still read! Does he live in Australia?

  • I think Trollpop is cute. I enjoy his writing, humor and wit. His writing is extravagant and romantic (get out your dictionary folks, it’s not what you think I mean). With all the internet speak these days, it’s nice to see some thoughtful writing. I enjoy the banter between the Captain and her Lookout.

  • Liesl – not that i am hugely patriotic in any way, but seeing as i so actually live in Australia i feel the need to ask why you think he must be here also??!!! I hope you dont think we all write like that :-)

    Trollpop – no offence to you! I think you’re very amusing (although confusing!) and not out to cause any harm….

  • no offense, Keira just that on his blog he says he loves Australia and I was just wondering. I think Australia is a beautiful place with great people. Sorry if I offended you.

  • He is from South Dakota. I just read one of his posts.

  • look at his last poem. The first words spell Sarah, and the second words spell Daisy. Holy shit!

  • ^ His first poem spells his name.

    Trollpop is very talented. Although he is a little creepy.

    @Richard, Trollpop is not an internet troll. He does not cause arguments.

  • @Liesl – no offence taken at all :-) hadnt read his previous comment about Aus – probably would of made sense then!! Your right tho aus is great :-)

    thanks for a great read Sarah (even all the way from Australia!!) :-)

  • Trollpop,

    I’m glad other readers pointed out that your poems spell out names. Very clever. Consider me impressed.

  • I agree with Sarah, Trollpop. Your comments/posts are confusing but very clever.

  • Wow. Interesting guest post. Whilst you may be considered by some to be a little bit kooky, you have us, the internets, interested

    I would also like to say the following on behalf of the internets:

    Bring it! Even if we leave abusive comments we are listening and interested in what you have to say

    =o)

  • smalltownamerican clinging

    My dearest Sarah,
    I hate to say it but Trollpop may be John Hinckley on the loose.
    Be cautious my dear.

  • Too exhausting to read. I need a nap now.

  • Sarah – eww! This guy is weird and not in the good way but in the creepy hannibal lecter way!

  • Effing brilliant! I don’t find him creepy, but brilliant in a weird, strange way.

    I wish I had one iota of the brilliance he has to do those poems that spell out the names.

    Truly impressive.

  • This was a very original and entertaining post. I always find the comments amusing as well.

    The rest of you trolls should seek medication immediately. Your paranoia is starting to annoy the rest of us.

  • Holy shit.

    Run.

    Run like hell and don’t look back.

    RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!

  • I think it takes alot of talent to write the way that Trollpop does. He’s obviously highly intelligent and if you trust him Sarah then I think we should. Even if he is RLO in disguise…..Very Impressive RLO!

  • I think his rhetoric is annoying

  • Umm….I’m pretty sure it’s Chelsea

  • Some of the comments s/he leaves are creepy, most are clever but all are getting a bit annoying. I hardly read them anymore. But, so far s/he seems harmless.

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