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I love hearing from readers, not as much as I love wine, but a VERY close second!

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Porn can improve your memory skills 100%!

A few times a year I give up refined sugar and alcohol. It’s like a do-it-yourself trip to The Betty, only there’s no pool or celebrities to talk shit on.

Pretty much it’s the longest two weeks of my life. I’m thirsty, my memory sucks and I’m craving chocolate something mad.

Last night I was commiserating with my friend Brittany about my inability to remember anyone’s name.

Me: It’s so hard for me to keep track of people unless there’s a burrito or potato chips stapled to their shirt.

Brittany: Or they smell like wine.

Me: Or if they have a TV hooked to their chests playing porn. Those are the people I always remember.

I think I found a new career path: I should be a tutor for kids. It might be tricky to get parents on-board with the whole porn thing, but I’m convinced once they realize that children will remember the most tragic part of their childhood they will have no trouble committing.

I’m gonna be filthy rich. Get it? Filthy… porn.

Ahhh, forget it. I don’t need you to understand my puns. Once my business is a success I’ll buy new readers who do.

Comments

  • Yes but does it really count as remembering their names if you call them “bouncing boobs Bob”, “Guacamole Tim” or “Chipolte Chip”?

    Just sayin.

  • I accidentally stopped drinking. Like one minute there was no alcohol in the house and the next I was too busy trying not to freeze my ass off.

    I’ve never done this before. I feel…funny…

  • omg you’re hysterical… I spit my coffee all over my keyboard reading “It’s so hard for me to keep track of people unless there’s a burrito or potato chips stapled to their shirt.” So, so true! I don’t drink “a lot” but refined sugar and caffeine would definitely send me into a tail-spin.

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