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Possibly TMI, if Related DO NOT READ!

Maddie and I went to dinner a few weeks ago with a friend of ours. He’s married, older than we are, and Mormon–which would explain why I refer to him as my Bishop. He hates it, which only encourages me further.

After dinner we headed back to my place for some Girl Scout cookies. I’d like to point out I am not in the habit of taking married men home with me. He invited himself, I promise.

I was busy trying to talk my neurotic one-eyed dog out of jumping off the balcony because I invited a stranger into our home, that I didn’t notice the Bishop walk upstairs into my bedroom. I never, ever walk into someone’s bedroom without asking because I know what people keep in bedrooms! I’m a single girl living alone so I’m not exactly in the habit of putting away my… ahem, “unmentionables” or the batteries that go along with them.

When I finally realized he was upstairs my face went white, my jaw dropped. Maddie knew exactly what my reaction meant. Her eyes doubled in size as she whispered, “Sarah, where is your you know what?” “Laying in the middle of my unmade bed,” I whispered back. We both remained silent hoping he would walk back down the stairs and without making his way to my bed. Suddenly a booming voice from above hollered, “Hey what’s the story behind this poem above your bed?”

It was everything I could do to not scream: get the fuck out of my bedroom! Instead I took a deep breath and rose above my humiliation and answered, “It’s a Dorothy Parker poem.”

The good Bishop has not mentioned it to me, but if I get struck by lightening anytime soon I’ll know he mentioned it to god.

Comments

  • LMAO I had a similiar experiance when an aunt came over a few months ago. Thanks for sharing!

  • waiting for the photo to go with this blog…

  • Mortifying much?!?! But seriously, who just saunters into other people’s bedrooms???

  • Wow. How embarrassing!!! I must ask, is it put away now?

    Great blog, found you through Dooce. I’ll be back.

  • Thats happened to more times than i even care to admit. I saw this pillow once that was actually a secret holder for those. It had like a back zipper pocket area for you to stick them in, and you can keep it on your bed for easy access. Hmm.. i wish i knew someone who sewed, i could them to make one for me!!

    Or, you could do what an old friend of mine did. It involves removing the glow parts of a glo-worm toy and replacing it with more fun battery operated things.

  • I wouldn’t worry too much about it … he has probably got a few stashed away for his own personal use.

    Love your honesty … it is quite refreshing.

  • Here’s to Dorothy Parker and the portable electrical miracle that is batteries.

    Cheers.

  • Funny you mention it, the Bishop asked me what you were so freaked out about recently. I think that was the farthest thing from his mind…he was more worried about bumping his head on your ceiling.

    Though the look on your face was PRICELESS.

    We need to go for Chinese food with The Bish!

  • Ps. I told him it was a black strap-on, the size of a loaf of bread.

    You’re welcome.

  • Don’t stress over it. Can happen to anyone and probably frequently does.

  • Found you through Dooce, as I’m sure many have this past week, I admire your frank and honest writing. Consider yourself bookmarked.

    Also wondering why you don’t have blog ads running? Might be a great money maker for you. I read you’re going to school maybe you could make enough to cover textbooks. I’d click through for something so noble.

  • this happened to me one time when someone’s three-year-old marched directly into my bedroom the first time he visited my house. he thought a certain something was a light saber. embarrassing? a little, i guess. but i do think probably his mommy will hold his hand when they visit from now on ;)

  • Holy shit! What kind of guy just walks into a girl’s bedroom uninvited?

  • So wait… not only does he invite himself over, but then proceeds to saunter into your bedroom? Did he go through your medicine cabinet too? Did he sniff your dirty laundry? Raid your fridge? What kind of person does that? I’d have kicked his MoBot ass out.

  • well I can now say that youve gone from someone I found to be witty and funny to dead sexy after reading your post. somthing about keeping your unmentionables around for easy access is hot

  • Totally weird that he would head into your room…

    awesome post. Funny. :)

    and i am a Hills addict myself.

  • GOOD GOD.

    And I thought I was mortified when my kids got into my naughty drawer and played “Lightsabers” in front of my brother in law.

  • Do I wanna go out with a lion’s roar
    Huh, yea, I wanna go south n get me some more
    Hey, they say that a stitch in time saves nine
    They say I better stop–or I’ll go blind
    Oop–she bop–she bop

    She bop–he bop–a–we bop
    I bop–you bop–a–they bop
    Be bop–be bop–a–lu–she bop,
    I hope He will understand
    She bop–he bop–a–we bop
    I bop–you bop–a–they bop
    Be bop–be bop–a–lu–she bop,
    Oo–oo–she–do–she bop–she bop
    Hey, hey–they say I better get a chaperone
    Because I can’t stop messin’ with the danger zone
    No, I won’t worry, and I won’t fret–
    Ain’t no law against it yet–
    Oop–she bop–she bop–

  • That is most mortifying. But no doubt educational for The Bishop!

  • Hey! Found you before your TV appearance with Dooce etal but never bothered to click any links George! left on his sight. Yep gonna read you dailly too! Love your openess and you write beautifully! And yer little dog too! She’s cute.
    Keep it coming! You go girl!

    And about The Bishop … I would’ve yelled the profanity! Hey it was YOUR house. He can deal.

  • HA! That’s really funny. A (rather Mormon) friend was helping move a few days ago, and he was in the living room, while I packed up the bedroom. He came in just as I saw my own “unmentionable” (the kind that doesn’t take batteries), lube, and a bunch of condoms lying on the floor. I quickly scooped them up, stuffed them in a box, threw some clothes on top, and then nonchalantly turned around to see what he needed. Hoping he hadn’t seen anything.

    He hasn’t mentioned anything yet…

  • Okay, I’s a Mormon and I got toys – Maybe it’s becuase I’m Mormon that I always hide them. Hmmm…

  • Sarah, see you at Leamarado Days. I know that is you’re kind of thing.

    I’m going to send you a videotape of the next NASCAR race that is on TV.

    Leamington Forever.

  • Wow, probably since he was a mormon, he probably thought it was some type of cleaning device…It’s good for them though they need to see stuff out in the open ;)

  • I have never laughed so hard… holy deja ju.
    I love your blog – I’m hooked!

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  • This cracked me up, I have to give my two cents on the subject.
    Masturbation and sex are neither sinful or bad in the eyes of God. Having sex outside of marriage and lusting over someone (you’re not married to) is what is bad.

  • this was my favorite one of the year by far.

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