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Shagging Ass

Not only do I humiliate myself in real life, I also do it online. A lot. This morning I was talking to a client via instant messenger and simultaneously messaging someone else.

Of course I sent the wrong message to the wrong person.

And of course the message was about sperm.

And of course my client is from Texas, and was raised in a conservative Southern Baptist environment where sperm is not part of an everyday conversation.

Today’s incident, however horrible, pales in comparison to the time I accidentally sent an instant message to the CEO of the company I worked for saying, “Let’s shag ass!” I intended the message to go to a friend, who for the record, I did not want to shag I was just informing him I was ready to leave for lunch.

The next day when a company meeting emphasizing what is appropriate workplace conduct was called I was secretly humiliated knowing it was intended for me and me alone.

Obviously I learned nothing from the seminar, as the following week the CEO overheard me saying to a male co-worker, “Oh my god, she’s so hot I would totally turn lesbian and hump her straight for you.”


  • And of course this is awesome!!!

  • And of course the message was about sperm. Of course it was! It has to be in these situations. ;-)

    I’m notorious for IMing the wrong person when I have two conversations going…luckily it’s never been anything too humilating and never about bodily functions or fluids.

  • I need to move to Utah – you know all the cool phrases. I live in Iowa and never heard of “shagging ass” as a lunch date. But I like it! LOL!

    I hope the Texan forgave you and that it did not affect your business dealings negatively.


  • Forgot to mention.. I have a friend at work that was emailing me about her bad boss… then instead of sending it to me, she sent it to her boss. Then emails me saying “shit, you’ll never believe this….”

    So, you are not alone.

  • That’s nothing when compared to the drunken text message that I sent out at 2 am saturday night. I plan to post about it tonight.

    P.S found ya via a Dooce a few weeks ago. I’m a fan.

  • I bet the recipient of the sperm message was probably laughing when they realized what was going on and is still chuckling to themselves. It’s a shame you just can’t see them through the computer.

    I love moments like that because I like knowing the other person is human, know what I mean? It makes me like them all the more.

  • While having a hilarious conversation about mouse balls (you know the track ball in your computer mouse). I accidentally IMed my very uptight CFO asking if I could “caress his mouse balls”.

    Happens to the best of us.

  • Nice! We’ve all done it at least once. I think the worst is when I said something bad about a person and because I was thinking of him, I IMed HIM instead of the friend I wanted to share that with.

    I got out of that one because there were a lot of “Matt”s at that company.

  • “hump her straight”


  • I’m really glad that I don’t have much use for instant messaging or texting. It’d be just another way for me to get into trouble, and I already have plenty of ways to do that as it is!

  • Re: the Photo of the Day.

    Rodney Strong Cabernet 2004 … about $14-17 from the wine store … highly recommended. Rated a 90, which is hard to find under $20, and really hard to find under $15, which this often is on sale.

  • That’s high-larious! I love blunders that happen because of technology.

  • I love blunders that happen to people that are not me.

  • That? That is why I don’t text message two people at once.

  • That’s a bit embarrassing. I wonder what you IMed that Texan.

  • I’m sure we’ve all done something like this before. I know I have. It also always seems to happen at the most inopportune time – just when it’s something embarrassing.

  • Oh god. That sounds like one of my many humiliating stories.. its nice to see it happens to other people =o)

  • One day after sending text to the wrong person again, I went in and reorganized my list… putting `z’ in front of most to move them to the bottom of my list… much easier now when I have been drinking. Nothing quite like that sick feeling after you hit ‘send’

  • I like your sperm posts kinda in the way you like my tuna posts. XOXOXO

  • Okay, not near as funny, but my son and I made a visit to a dairy farm yesterday. Being “city folk” we were both pretty pumped. After I took a pic of him driving the tractor I sent it too my dad with the caption “we’re going to milk cows next”. Only the auto word thing on my phone made the word cows into boys so my father got the message “we are going to milk boys next”. Nice.

  • so, jill, let me get this straight. you went to a dairy farm and got pumped? NICE!

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