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The First Birthday Present has Arrived

I specifically stated yesterday that my birthday is still a month away, yet I came home to a gift. OK, fine, it wasn’t so much a gift as it was an abandoned book in my yard.

For a brief moment I considered taking it inside, wrapping it up and giving it to RLO as a gift, but then I remembered he isn’t actually gay, I just like to pretend he is. The first time I met RLO he was wearing linen pants, that sealed his pseudo homosexuality. For the last three years he’s been trying to tell me straight men wear linen pants all the time, and for the last three years I’ve been humoring him.


  • Clay Aiken wears linen pants and he’s straight….errr……

  • RLO is right on this one. Linen pants are acceptable in the proper season. Just look to Don Johnson circa Miami Vice – is there a better bellweather of masculinity?

  • RLO isn’t gay? No straight guy ever wears linen pants. I’m only marginally straight and I don’t even know what they are. Does he heart Madonna? Liza Minelli? Margaret Cho?

  • Linen pants are totally gay realm! Because they need to be ironed and the only men I know who own actual irons and ironing boards are GAY!

  • Yeah…that’s not creepy at all that someone just happened to leave “The proper care and feeding of husbands” for you. Who do we suspect? Mom? RLO? A jaded ex? Or the relief society?

  • Read Kelli’s comment..
    cannot stop laughing..
    and now I cnnot even think of anything to say.

    That is some funny shit right there!

  • Sounds like he’s in denial….

  • If RLO was straight then why hasn’t he made a move on you? Or is he just retarded?

    Windy City I’m straight I own and iron and ironing board. I don’t know where they are but I know I own them.

  • Ya know,now is the first time I am questing RLO’s sexuality in my head, granted I can only go off of your literary genius…but the linen pants toss him in Liberace territory.

  • Thank you for not holding on to it for MY birthday.

    Have I told you about the time my mother mailed me a copy of “Why There Are No Good Men Left” while I was in a serious relationship???

  • I don’t even know what linen pants look like.

  • I don’t think that men have worn linen pants and been straight since F. Scott Fitzgerald.

    And he was a little suspect.

  • Dearest Sarah,

    I must apologize for not commenting on this blog, or last night’s blog, sooner than I did. I am steadfastly at work on a massive birthday present for yourself, and had not found the energy to dedicate to anything else. I have yet to eat, sleep, or eject bodily fluid or waste of any kind — so steadfast is my attention to this project, and this alone.

    May it bring joy to every gland in your body when completed.

  • When I was at USU, I had a campus job in this little, tiny office with brick walls and no windows. I worked with one dude, who insisted on listening to Rush Limbaugh and Laura Schlessinger. Every. Single. Day. The pain and suffering just came flooding back. Thanks, dude.

  • there really is such a book? amazing..

  • OK, I’m straight (Andi, please verify) and I wear linen pants from time to time. Never after Labor Day though.

    Bring forth your scorn.

  • I’m a little disturbed that CCB wears linen pants. I did not know this, and I believe this needs to be addressed immediately.

    Linen pants and man-sandals have no place in my bedroom, baby!

  • You have seen me in linen pants and liked it. Don’t go turncoat on me to look cool in front of your Inter-friends.

  • Classic! Im dying to read that book =o)

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