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This Old Bag


As a kid I remember my mom having the most beautiful suitcase in the entire world. I never understood why she kept it in her closet and didn’t use it every single day. As I got older I learned it was her temple bag, and therefore only used when she went to the temple.

After years of coveting the suitcase, she finally parted ways with it and gave it to me last Sunday. It’s 70-licious and I can’t wait to use it! It will make an excellent booty-call bag. It’s the perfect size for a toothbrush, nightie and bottle of vodka.

As I walked to my car to put my new treasure in the trunk, I was planning all the extracurricular activities I could use it for when my mom yelled after me, “Have fun at the temple!”

So that’s where I get my sarcasm—I’ve often wondered.


  • Since you didn’t list toothpaste among the contents of your booty-call bag, I’m assuming you brush your teeth with the vodka then? 😉

  • I loved your mom’s comment.

  • Stylin’! Clearly your mom used to attend Temple Beth Sock-it-to-me. 🙂

  • Brings back memories for sure! LOL!

  • Love that bag! OMG not only good for vodka, but if you ever need $$ you could sell it on EBay for major bucks. It is so 70’s!!!

  • Wow, we had a bag that was remarkably similar to that one when I was a kid. Strange.

  • Seems like the perfect tote for The Wine Rack (on the rare occasion that you are not wearing it). Groovy!

  • Um….don’t you find it odd that you’re using this bag to show your love for booty calls (pretty much the WORST sin in the Mormon church), while your dear, sweet mom used it to show her love for the Lord? I’m convinced that you’ll be my neighbor in hell (or, the Telestial Kingdom, according to Mormons). Our mothers will come visit from their thrones atop once in a while….

  • Kelli A. – The booty calls make sense if SN is married to hot mormon jesus. HMJ returns those calls any time of day.

    All you need is the matching Mystery Machine to ride around in now.

  • I think you should store your vibrator in it.

  • Just realized, we hard carpet that looked like that… and a couch.. oh and drapes!

    And then this one dress I had…
    yeah, it pretty much was the same design.

  • i just wanted to thank you, again, for your blog list — it’s really gotten my site out there. you are much appreciated.

  • I think this is one of your better blogposts, by far. Thank you, Sarah!

  • Your body is a temple.

  • I am completely Mormon ignorant so I didn’t know what a temple bag was. I did a search, and am now enlightened. The post is even funnier now!

  • I am with Karen (above) put your vibrator in it.. hey, then when your mom goes to temple – loan the bag to her, as is.

  • Perfect. Don’t forget to put in the change of shoes and hoodie for the walk of shame as well.

  • that bag is fab! A booty call bag is the perfect use for it. i’m going to ask my mom for her old temple bag now.

  • Not only is that bag retro chic, it looks like it’s easy to clean…in case things get messy…or sticky.

    What? Am I the only one who remembers their booty call bag all sticky with lube?

    Oh wait, but then again, vodka cleans everything.

  • That bag is 100% AWESOME. Almost makes me wanna go to the temple!

  • omg. i mean, omg. i’m speechless.

  • From Temple bag to Booty Call Bag. That is too funny. I have my own temple bag sitting in storage covered with dust. It is not near as cool as your mom’s. I remember seeing a lot of cool retro bags like that in temple locker rooms.

  • Beautiful, bright, booty bag, babe! That’s awesome. Oh I wish my parents had cool temple bags I could someday inherit.

    Incidentally, I’ve learned the secret, sacred handshake. Apparently to celebrate the 30th anniversary of the blacks getting the priesthood they added a fist bump. Next time I’ll teach you. Fuck ’em we’ll get into the celestial kingdom whether we’re invited or not.

  • SquirrelMonkey: Wait isn’t that what you’re supposed to use?

    Kim: She was quite proud of it, too. She has a great sense of humor. I imagine she wouldn’t have survived my childhood without it.

    George: How did you know?

    Kate: I just wish she’d kept more funky clothing and accessories.

    TwentyFourAtHeart: No way. I can’t part with something so holy!

    Sra: What did you guys use yours for?

    Kathleen: It’s so cute you think I’d take the wine rack off for anything but refilling!

    Kelli A: Only if by odd you mean awesome.

    El_Viajero: Slow down there skippy. Hot Mormon Jesus and I haven’t even made out yet. We are taking this thing slow.

    Karen: Are you saying that keeping it on the bed stand in my ex-boyfriend’s great grandmother’s glass bowl isn’t a good place?

    Kate: What I wouldn’t give for a couch in this fabric, or a new couch altogether actually.

    The almost right word: Happy to do it. I love having new stuff to read!

    Wecker: Really? Come on, I can and have written some gems. You know, like the time I forgot the guys name I was dating, or the time I flooded my neighbors house, or any of the numerous times I embarrassed myself at the doctor’s office.

    Eric: A temple of doom, perhaps.

    Laura: I realized once it was posted I should have explained that a little better, but figured Google would be a handy Mormon guide.

    Kate: Ewwww.

    Kristy: Oh honey, I never have any shame. That’s such a blatant lie I’m laughing.

    Patti: Cool. BUT if it’s pink you have to send it to me instead. Deal?

    Brittany: Fucking good point. I’ve had the same problem. The little black back from days past didn’t look so good with stains.

    Pants: Oh Pants, how you disappoint me. Instead of logging in Temple hours why don’t we go thrift shopping for your new bag?

    Zeghsy: Oh come on. Speechless?

    Michelle: Next time just steal them. I’m sure God wouldn’t mind at all.

    Candace: Thought you might!

    Jeffery: But honey, I want to stay in hell. It’s warm there.

  • Does the title of this post refer to the suitcase or your mother? Just wondering. 🙂

  • What’s with the blonde with the big fake knockers in the Christian Singles ad to the right? In fact, what’s with the Christian Singles ad?

  • OMG. Before I even read a word, I thought ‘temple bag.’ They have to be white…I think, don’t they?

  • Clearly its what the bag should have been used for all along =o)

    I love it Sarah! Hopefully in a few years time it can tell some good stories =o)

  • Awesome. One of the funnier things I’ve read in a while.

  • That is so funny. love it.

  • Oh my. Now I see where the love for the day dooce ruined my life handbag stems from.

  • Seriously. I needed that laugh! Thank You from the bottom of my dust collecting temple bag.

  • Here via Five Star Friday – thanks for the laugh!

  • As I remember it, my mom’s temple bag was very similar to your new booty-call bag. Maybe they were standard issue.

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