I had dinner last night with my mom and aunt to celebrate my mom’s birthday. I love my family, but have decided never, EVER to eat with them in public again.
My mom is a nurse, so at least 90% of our conversations disgust me. I don’t need to know about someone’s post pregnancy blood clot over a Cobb salad. She’s forever trying to ruin good food with her gross-out stories. It’s like freaking “Fear Factor” for my mouth.
Fettuccini Alfredo is forever ruined my talk of a colonoscopy.
Egg salad and Salmonella talk don’t mix.
The smell of a Club sandwich will forever remind me of butt boils.
Bran muffins remind me of chopped off fingers.
The list is so long I’m considering developing the “Dinners with Kathy” diet plan and selling it for millions. Of course I’ll give my mom a sizeable cut of the action. The remainder of the money will be used for therapy. I’m gonna need it.