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Toning Up

All summer long I’ve been making excuses why I can’t go swim in AK and Mrs. AK’s swimming pool.  The truth is that I haven’t felt comfortable in a swimming suit since 1996.  I know I’m not obese, but I’m certainly not fit enough to walk around in a two-piece.

I’ve wanted to attend some personal training sessions for years, but truthfully I’ve always been too self-conscious,  But this year I’ve decided to get over myself and do what it takes to finally be comfortable with my body.  I looked into the options my gym offers, but was less than impressed.  The Yuppie suggested his friend Tracey, who is a personal trainer.  I knew he wouldn’t recommend someone I would hate, mostly because he knows I’d bitch about it until his ears bled.

I met with Trainer Tracey this week and loved her.  She wasn’t intimidating at all, yet fit enough to kick my ass when I need it.  Which I will, since I’m lazy and really hate to sweat. The first session was a body and fitness assessment.  Saying I was pleasantly surprised with my results would be a complete understatement.  When she told me my body fat percentage I wanted to kiss her hard ON THE MOUTH!

My body fat was significantly lower than I expected.  I didn’t believe my results since they qualified me into the “athlete” category.  I asked her to double check, but she got the same results. I have bruises from those stupid skin fold calipers, but dammit those are the best bruises I’ve had in quite some time.  Yeah, I’d kill for some decent sex bruises, but that’s another post for another day.

Trainer Tracey and I decided to focus on endurance and toning, which I have a feeling will kick my ass since I was sore the day after a simple fitness test.  I’m forcing myself to stick with this for the next couple of months.  If only to reward myself with fitness prizes.  No, I’m not kidding.  Doesn’t every girl who loses a few pounds deserve running shoes covered in Barbie pink glitter?  I thought so.


  • fyi – The Hills premiere is available online at mtv.com…

  • Good Luck with Trainer Tracey. I rewarded myself after running my first 1/2 marathon with a trip to Maui.

  • That’s a little ironic that you posted a fitness piece right when I asked you to work out w/ me. By the way, I officially hate you. I have worked my ASS off for the past year, running, biking, lifting, and I don’t think I’m anywhere near the “athlete” category. You suck.

  • I am so lazy too when it comes to breaking a sweat. Good job for making the move and good luck!

  • Just another reason to be jealous. A pink scooter AND the body of an athlete. *sigh*

  • So it sounds like this time, you’ll be dragging my ass around Liberty Park enthusiastically saying, “Lets keep running! One more minute!” I’ve totally lost my running powers… Help me.

  • I was thinking of a reward more along the lines of a Peanut Buster Parfait… in the Virgin Islands.

  • When you get too self-conscious, is that when you become self-conscience?

  • I’ve considered getting a personal trainer too. How much is that running you?

  • We will toast your success on Friday! You could make sweating fashionable! Check out Venus Williams shoe line at Steve & Barry’s…pink with glitter! Plus the workout gear is hot!

  • If I ran, I wouldn’t be able to pick myself up off the ground after passing out, to even think about rewarding myself.

    It’s awesome that you have the body of an athlete.

  • Um, I could have told you your body fat content is low BECAUSE YOU ARE THE SIZE OF MY DAMN PINKY.

  • Way to go. When I am in exercise mode(which is not now), I like to reward myself with massages.

    1. no calories
    2. if you’re working out you’ll likely need then to keep loose, help stretch and condition and repair after workouts.
    3. cheaper than therapy
    4. great was to say ‘thanks’ to your bod for being strong
    5. feels so good

  • Sarah, I’ve noticed that TrollPop has not been posting. Did his crush fade or was he intimidated by your love for RLO?

  • Is she bad ass like Jacki from Bravo’s workout…or the one with big lips who looks like Angelina Jolie when you squint hard?

  • I hate people like you! Bitch! Just kidding. Congratulations on your athlete category! Keep it up and have fun.

  • Trollpop has multiple personalities! Just look at his website… There are something like 4-6 different Trollpops posting. Trollpop Waffelstein anticipates Trollpop Jangelstein’s arrival soon.

  • Hello…have you seen yourself? You are totally skinny! The kind of skinny that looks good in skinny jeans & has good arms. It’s no fair!

  • you are a bitch who only complains about how fat you are to make yourself feel better than the obese. You are an insecure, insignificant soul.

    Did you get a new sugar daddy to buy you your new phone? Like he bought you your old one and computer?

    Of course you’re going to delete this. You can’t bare to be known in the bad light some of us see you in.

  • Ali, didnt your mother tell you “If you dont have anything nice to say dont say anything at all”

    Sarah, Well done on the exercise, keep it up.. you look fab!

  • In reference to the comment above: If you have a sugar daddy who buys you rad shit, keep up the good work.

    And as for being known in a bad light? All I know is my little girl got all fancied up to have lunch with you because you’re her favorite person who doesn’t share DNA with her, and she’s pretty picky, I’ve taught her well.

    Now for the actual comment: I totally get the body dysmorphia thing, it makes perfect sense. You aren’t fishing for compliments, you just haven’t always been as absolutely teeny-tiny as you are now, so your self image is based on a body that you’re more used to and the body you have now will take some getting used to… And having hard factual numbers telling you you aren’t fat won’t change the way you identify yourself in your head. It’s a real thing, there have been studies, and I know it first-hand… It’s been a few years now since I lost my pile of weight and I still think that the girls in Express are going to laugh at me behind my back like “Does she really think she can shop in here?”

    You look fantastic, and you ARE fantastic.

  • Sarah: I wouldn’t concern yourself with the comment from Ali. Jealousy can cause a lot of hate. It’s funny she/he calls you insignificant even though you’re significant enough for he/she to take time out of his/her day to read you. Not so insignificant at all now are you?

    Keep up the comical posts. I look forward to reading you every single day which is significant as shit.

    Ali: Grow up and find another blog to read. You’re the only one who looks bad here.

  • Greetings my dear!!!

    I must apologize profusely for my profound lack of postings upon your World Wide Web Log in recent days. Apparently, liquid and computers do not mix, and I found this out firsthand. Oddly enough, Google found the instance fit to create a logo about it (see previous post!)

    I was mundanely delighted to see that my absence has been noted, and assure you, my love for you would not fade were all three-letter-named metrosexuals to threaten me with death (by refusing to keep myself from walking into oncoming traffic, mind thee) at once. Such is my love for you.

    On the other kidney, I am particularly infuriated that a certain Miss Cassius Clay found it fit to liken thee to my former flame, Daisy, and others of her fair species. Perhaps Mr. Obese McBeale would find other blogs more appropriate to her own demographical likenings. You and your den of forty thieves may henceforth flee the premises and hide no longer; for the time to yell “Ali Ali Oxen Free” has passed, and, oxen-sized though your calves may be, freedom is no longer a luxury you may afford! Strong as ten regular men, yes, oh Prince, but I am stronger than ten thousandfold!

    In closing. Yes.

  • This trollpop guy is a creep. I’d watch out for your niece and nephew Sarah — he’s got pedophile written all over him.

  • Hey Ali, next time you want to bash a complete stranger, why don’t you proofread your insults to make sure you’re using the correct spelling of words. Look up the difference between “bare” and “bear”, genius.

  • The people who say the nasty shit are the jealous bitches. You are a gorgeous woman, never mind what the troll says.

    I totally get the body image thing too. What I see in the mirror is not what other people see when they look at me. Meh, we are all fucked up in our own way. But thats what makes this world go around. The world would be a boring place if we were all the same, we need the variety. Even the Trollops (who by the way, does not strike me as a pedophile but Im not a psychiatrist, I just play one on the internet)

  • First, fuck off Ali, me thinks I know who you are. A personal trainer wouldn’t hurt you.

    Second, congrats on getting a trainer and getting into (hopefully) working out. The benefits you will reap will be amazing (more energy, better sleep, better sex, etc.)

  • Dang Sarah, your comments are getting hostile…..Welcome back Trollpop!

  • Gracious returns indeed, my fair anonymicalled friend.

  • hahah i love that everyone got stuck into Ali, Way to go Sarah, the intarwebs loves you!

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