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When It's Appropriate to Fire Your Father

Dad: “Am I in trouble with you?”

Sarah: “Not that I know of, why?”

Dad: “Well I gave your number out.”

Sarah: “Bathroom stall again, or someone I actually know this time.”

Dad: “A guy that you worked with the summer you graduated high school called looking for you.”

Sarah: “Well that would explain a random text message I got from your area code that used numbers for words.  Do me a favor and don’t give my number out to people who speak twelve-year-old girl, and are unable spell simple words.”

Dad: “I thought you liked that text messaging stuff.”

Sarah: “ I do with friends and people who can type real words.  Dad, just don’t give my number out to anyone please.”

Dad: “Well I guess I’m lucky your mom has the number on the fridge since you don’t give it out.”

Sarah: “Anyone involved in my conception can have my number, at least for now.”

Dad: “Noted.”

The text message in question was:

Whatthe hell u been up 2 good looken?

I didn’t reply for obvious reasons, yet he felt the need to follow up with:

Hello r u ther?

Seriously?  I’ll be calling my dad back tomorrow to let him know he is indeed in trouble, and the only way to make it up to me is to buy the guy a dictionary.  For adults.


  • I hate that too. l8 and 2night are the worst.

  • 8ara7,
    You bitch. What if this guy you knew umpteen years ago is now someone really, really important. Say….a blog columnist …or rocket scientist….or that one “straight” Abercrombie and Fitch model ….? He may have thought that number-talk was a trendy way to get back in touch with that, unapproachable beautiful girl he use to masterb8 to in the bathroom of the Wendy’s where you both worked. You might have been his dream girl and now, after he feels worthy of you, after graduating medical school, getting dermabrasion and getting his teeth straightened you shoot him down over a text message?
    He knew you well enough to know how to get a hold of your parents. I’m just say’n…
    Remind me to tell you that story of how I was inadvertently, indirectly involved in your conception. It’s a funny, messy story.

    We’re coming to SLC in the next few weeks. We might need a coffee date.
    Heart you.


  • The “hello r u ther?” is worse than the numbers! Seems like a stalker in the making. YUCK.

  • Ah.. my dad never called or asked for my number.

    He just showed up…. bearing gifts.

    I miss him.

  • Remember the dirtbag texter who drove us to cupcakes and beer? Those are exactly the texts he would send! Eew.

  • OMG, I totally H8 that…U 2?


    I had an early-20s co-worker reply “that’s chill” to me when I told her the deadline for a project. Equally “gak” — except that she can be forgiven a bit since she’s 20-something.

  • This isn’t a comment on dad’s but a comment on texting. I had a guy text me for several months without my reply a single time. I kept getting “Hey what u doin” and “Can i c u” messages at all hours. All this and I hadn’t seen him or talked to him for four years. Creepy!

  • Ummm…remind me never to TM u! Is this someone I might know too? He sounds awesome!

  • I have a friend from HS (female) that does this exact same thing. It drives me mad!

  • I can’t text to save my life. If I receive messages I just call them back – way less painful all around.

  • lol!

    Miss Bellum, this story is simply 2 funny 4 me to contain the laughing juice which wells up within me! Tell me, oh my fine furry love, wut it is leik 2 b u? With bed toys a-vibrating and flirtatious fathers a-firing, thy life is 1 big jest fest :-D

    oops g2g bi

  • HA! Someone should tell him there is a setting on his phone that will allow him to make WHOLE words! The only time abbreviations are acceptable is for Twitter, and that’s because there is a character limit. Feel free to continue your text in a new message if need be. Or better yet, just call, I’ll probably send you to voicemail anyway and you can put all your words out there without any fear of my judging your inability to act your age or spell properly.

  • Please bless that text lingo is just a trend that’s about to die out any time now…

    I mean, I understand the need for it back when texting was cumbersome and length was an issue, but that’s not true anymore.

  • @Jeffrey – you are funny.

    What’s the deal with “looken” – its not like he’s purposely misspelling to save characters from writing “lookin”.

  • He hasn’t compulsively texted frowny faces when you don’t reply in thirty minutes? You’re lucky. (True story.)

  • The misspellings aren’t as troubling as the question “What the hellUbeen up 2 to good looken?” I knew some guys who talked like that in high school/early college. One of them, a guy I hooked up with on a drunken night, had a yellow “Goody” comb he used to stick in his back pocket. One night, well after the hookup, I was at a party and some how the room seemed to clear as he danced near a puddle of beer, the Goody comb jiving with him as he slipped and went feet first into the air before landing on that Goody comb.
    If he tried to look me up today I have no doubt it’d start with something like, “What the hellUbeen doin?”

  • Your dad sounds like my dad. Your texter sounds like a loser! I’m having a contest this week! There’s a $50 prize! Come for a visit!

  • I always reply to messages written in TM-speak, but only so that they’ll keep texting, making it easy for my henchmen to track them down via the network and administer the savage beating they so richly deserve.

    Blech, I say. BLECH!

  • Oh gag!

    He probably has a myspace page with shirtless pictures of himself doing mundane house work.

    They always do.

  • Text back your blog address. I think after reading the post he would get the hint.

  • Sarah,

    I think you should answer his incessant texts with “I think you have the wrong number” and then you should tell your dad if he ever asks again to say he just doesn’t know or have it handy!!!

    When all else fails, feign stupidity and pretend like you don’t know him!

  • John has an excellent idea!

  • hahah – nice.

    When we got our son a phone with a keyboard I told him no broken sentences anymore. So he types in full words at 13 – all his friends think he’s crazy and the funniest part is he doesn’t get the messages that they send him back.

    The other day he was in the car with me and said (while looking at his text message from a girl he kinda likes):

    boy: “whatever – she makes no sense”
    mom: “what’d she say?”
    boy: “ttyl i gone tom”
    mom: “ahh … so she’ll talk to you later – she’s returning to Atlanta tomorrow”
    boy: “you understand that?”
    mom: “of course – I’m a Mom”
    boy: “then why do you make me send you full sentences?”
    mom: you’ll thank me someday – I promise

    Then he proceeded to ask me what other acronyms I knew – It was the one moment that “I” knew it all ;-)

  • i thk datz so kuel. ur so kuel 2.
    peaz out. B.

    Ok I just puked in my mouth a little bit. and clearly I’m terrible at 12 yr old girl texting.

  • I am so glad to hear that I’m not the only one that is irritated by this. What really bugs me is when I see it in the professional setting… I get emails at work with this shit in it. I mean, come on, people! The worst was an email from a woman my age who was apologizing for forgetting to trade a shift with me. The subject line was “sOrRy!”

    I shit you not.

  • Bad grammar is by far my biggest pet peeve. #2 is guys who can’t take a hint. Combining those two things is a recipe for disaster.

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