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When Personality Gets in the Way of Life

I think I might be an emotional loner. I like people well enough and I enjoy spending time with my friends, but I have the hardest time letting new people in. This does not bode well for any new relationships.

When someone tries to get close to me I’m extra abrasive, overly critical and sarcastic. There’s only so far pretty hair can get you in a relationship.

I wouldn’t date me.

I wouldn’t encourage my male friends or brothers to date anyone remotely like me.

So what makes me think I will find someone who WANTS to date me?

Heavy stuff for a Tuesday morning, I know. If you want some lighter reading go read my guest post for Libby Logic.


  • Because you’ll dry hump them.

  • Because there is someone out there that is a perfect match for EVERYONE. At least that is what I tell myself when I am home, alone, on a Saturday night, drowning my sorrows in a bottle of wine and eating my feelings.

  • You’re too hard on yourself. You’re beautiful, clever,and hilarious. So what if you are cautious about who you let in, if only everyone were more that way. There’s be a lot less unhappy relationships.

    You’ll find your match.

  • You just described me perfectly – I think we were friends in another life.

  • Just want to let you know that everybody does this. We all test new relationships to see if the worst parts of us will be accepted. You need to stop this “emotional loner” stuff, because that is just stinking thinking. You are completely forgetting your positive attributes (like you are one sexy fox) that plenty of guys out there are looking for! Your not a “cookie cutter” personality, That means that the man out there for you will not be a “cookie cutter” personality either.

  • I think you are very brave, not only to make honest observations about yourself, but then to share them with others. That is the exact opposite of “emotional loner” Kudos! Self improvement is good, but don’t go overboard, we all love you just how you are!

  • Yes, maybe you struggle with letting new people in at first but the point is you do eventually let them in. Some people fall in love twice a day, others take their time. Nothing wrong with that.

    And for what it’s worth, I’d totally date you if I had a penis.

    Don’t ever give up. It’s there and will find you when you least expect it.

  • When you find someone who will date you and you like, you will try to sabotage it every way possible. You will push all of their buttons and say the bitchiest things ever (even you will be like, Wow, that was really uncalled for, inside your head). Because you will be waiting for them to prove you right, that you don’t deserve them, that you are not worthy to be loved.
    Don’t worry, after about 10 years you will finally ease up on your true love and only occasionally test him with the “What if I were horribly burned and disfigured, wheelchair-bound and couldn’t control my bowels– would you leave me then?” game.

  • Hmm. You may have just described why I’m still single. Damn.

  • Don’t tase me dude, or tease me.

  • I bet you get told all the time that you’re “too picky” too. Newsflash: You’re not too picky, or too unworthy, or too detached, or too not-willing-to-let-someone-in…What you are, is still learning through experiencing, and learning what you want, deserve, and won’t tolerate in a mate. You’re working on you. You’re going to school and building a career, and living life so that when you’re 35 or 40, instead of realizing that you should have spent your 20s and 30s doing exactly what Sarahbellum is currently doing, instead of married and popping out kids and THEN figuring out what you want to do with yourself (while possibly screwing up the kids)…
    You are readying yourself (and your future forever mate is getting ready too)for that “aha” moment when you realize you’re ready and that your search is over, and it all just comes together.

  • Reading back through that, it was long, and may not make complete sense. Sorry ’bout that.

  • Because it’s obvious that it’s a defense mechanism, but it’s not difficult to see that you’re actually a very good person; beautiful inside and out.

    That or because you’re a good lap fluffer.

  • I’d get in line to date you too. And if it makes you feel any better, my deal is this: I barf out all my shit within 5 minutes if meeting me. I figure if you don’t like me, you can reject me then before I am emotionally vested, you know!?!

  • I think you just described why I won’t commit to relationships…I become “extra abrasive, overly critical and sarcastic” and then decide I don’t like people…only the people that existed in my life prior to new relationship.

  • Fuck it! I used to think that too until I met my husband. I am all that you described and a royal pain in the ass but every donut has it’s hole. Nobody worth knowing is easy. I always say the only wrong with this world is people.

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