I spent the Fourth of July just like every other American: chasing the neighborhood ice cream truck around the block, which totally counts as exercise. Just so you know.
I didn’t see any non-dairy options and figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask…
“Do you have any soy ice cream?”
“What about coconut milk ice cream?”
“What about Nut Rolls?”
“Well what good are you? Some adults don’t want dairy.”
“I bring ice cream to children and you’re not a child.”
“Good observation but I may have a kid hidden in the backyard waiting for a treat.”
“In that case I may call the police.”
WHAT THE HELL? I thought those creepy dudes were in charge of molesting children, not protecting them.
Obviously I didn’t have a kid in my backyard, otherwise I would have sent the kid to fetch my treat. Everyone knows kids are just short slaves.